Three in a Tree

Three in A Tree -Tyson B. Troxel I woke up this morning Went into the bathroom this morning Looked into the mirror And I don’t like what I see Before me is a shattered, battered, beaten old man of me. I went and looked Again Just to see what I see A cracked, shattered, dirty mirror How did I get this way? And I don’t like what I see I just had to peek again Just to see what I see Positive post it notes all around the edges Ribbons I’ve won, hanging off the top I’m not sure if I like what I see Where is the child in me? Sitting in his tree All smiles, no end to playtimes, no sadness he sees He was a lonely, happy, confused, goofy, mischievious little boy And he liked everything he saw What happened to my 20’s? Where is that happy go lucky young man? The bottle and the other bottle got in his way No happiness, no sadness, no ungladness, just a bottle He was too clouded to like what he saw Who is that man? Married and watching squirrels in a tree. Way too drunk, way too many headaches, Not very happy, no not happy at all He dosen’t like seeing through sober eyes I woke up this morning Looked into my mirror And this is what I see What do I see, what do I see I think I like what I see I look in MY mirror and this is what I see A man who is liked, loved, wanted, needed A young adult living his dream life and more He can do it all and more He likes what he sees I peek just once more Confusion, severe depression, Anxiety and FEAR. Panic. Lots of panic Recovering alcoholic, Migraines and sadness too Not liking what I see Three Me’s sitting in a tree Happy Me..Living my dream and so much more Ok me..Just trying to get by and learn to fly Sad me, full of pain, sadness, anger so Do We like what we see? I take one last look in my mirror I don’t know if I like what I see But, that’s ok, yes, it’s really ok I do the best I can, and I stand And I can live with what I see

Cookies And Pounds

Not too happy No, not too happy at all Sad days, bad days My friends hurt me today Woke up to my friend calling my name I surrender my will Mt. Dew here I come Does it have to be this way still Went to the store today I tried to bypass her will Her syrene song calling me to bay Cookies have your way Went to work today Weighed myself in today Not so happy today Weighed in 1 pound too heavy today My friends, my lovers Love me, hate me, kill me You taste so sweet Oh what a treat Not too happy today No, not happy at all. Sad day today My friends love me today

Beautiful to Me

Beautiful To Me -Tyson B. Troxel 12/4/2010 You look at me And you don't know me. At times you aren't sure What I'm gonna do or say next. Am I a blessing or a curse? You are looking through me To the REAL me. I am looking at you. All I see is a man I don't know. I don't wanna know. You aren't who I set out to be. I don't like who I see And all I want is a change. Do you see what I see, Or do you see who I'm meant to be. Am I you, Or are you me? And all I see is my reflection, Staring back at me. A voice is telling me Speaking into me, Telling me to rise up and leave it all behind. Rise above it all And come follow me. Lies, All I see are lies. Never good enough, Just a real good guy, Never being real, Never dropping all my walls And showing it all. Giving it all, Emotions, Giving it all. To be honest, is to be real and I am scared to death. To drop all my walls, To cry, To sing, To write, To give it all To you. I am so much more Than who I am And God is telling me I am beautiful, And that he loves me, And that I am beautiful. Who you are, And who I am, Is a miracle. We are so much more than beautiful. We are LOVED and we belong to him. Like a thunderbolt to my heart, I am now, Just now, waking up and opening my eyes, To the beauty of it all. And I now know, That I am beautiful. The man I am And the man you are And the steps I take Are not yours. A writer, a singer, an artist, A dreamer, a REAL man A child of God, Significantly loved Or something more? Where the road leads next, I know not, I don't know, It's a scary thought. But... I know that God is in every step, God is in every shadow, He is in every breath. And it's finally Gonna be alright. If this is what I'm made for, And when am I gonna get better, I am opening my eyes, And I am choosing Reaching out, Screaming out, Jumping for heaven, And I say NOW!!!!! So, When you say you don't know me, You aren't sure what to think, What to say, Look in the mirror and let me help you Find your way To me, To God, To Home. All my walls are down I am crying I am scared And All I am reaching for, looking for Is God. or.. You! And I know it is GOD!! I am beautiful, I am significant, I am Loved I am better than the lies BUT... Most importantly, I am LOVED In God's arms. And that is enough for now.

Christmas Boxes

Christmas Boxes -Tyson B. Troxel Christmas 2010 Christmas boxes, all shapes and sizes. Wrapped in reds and greens and stripes and zig zags. Pretty bows, big, small, curly, shiny and all that jazz. Ribbons of every possible contortion. And yet, it is all shredded and thrown to one side in less than 5 seconds, put in a garbage bag and taken to the trash. What we are left with are boxes. Christmas boxes. All sizes and shapes, yet boxes all the same. Pretty soon even the boxes are thrown out with the trash. What do we have for little Billy? A bow and arrow, a new cap gun, his favorite DVD or video game. What do we have for little Suzie? A dollie, a dress, maybe a baking set, or a new book to read. How about Bobbi the 15 year old? Clothes, movie tickets, concert tickets or a CD from his favorite band. Julie the bubbly 16 year old? A new cell phone, a new computer or dare we say her own car? And let’s not forget 21 year old Jeff. A pack of smokes, a bottle of Jack or some lotto tickets. Maybe a new army jacket. What shall we get mommy? Her favorite perfume. A dozen roses. A straight A report card. How bout’ just an “I Love You” Daddy?? Cigarettes, aftershave and his favorite DVD movie. Grandma??? “I Love you my beautiful, sweet, loving grandma. You get younger and more beautiful every day.” A hug. A kiss. A cup of coffee. And they all come gift wrapped in boxes, wrapped ever so prettily. Boxes that once emptied, are thrown to the side and taken out with the trash. Let me just for a second offer you 3 boxes. Box A: A big box, wrapped in expensive, shiny wrapping paper, with a big pretty bow and ribbon, ribbon and more ribbon. Ever so pretty. It smells of an expensive department store. Box B: Standard size. Obviously wrapped by little Timmy. There’s even a jam thumbprint on one corner. And the tape. Oh the tape. WAYYYY too much tape. Box C: Just a box. Small enough to fit in your hand. It barely weighs an ounce. Not even wrapped. Not pretty at all. Ok. Now this isn’t a choose your own adventure story, so I’ll give you a minute to choose your Christmas present from me. “Lalalalal…Hum Humm Hummm…Tis the season to be jolly. Silent Night….Holy Night….” Ok. Have you decided? Box A: For The Men: The new CD by your favorite artist/band. For the Ladies: A new cookbook Box B: Men: A new tie Ladies: A new blouse. Box C: Let’s forget about the boxes. I want to tell you a different story. Besides, you’re just gonna throw the boxes out with the trash anyways, There once was a man who was SOOO great and powerfull that he came to this world on Christmas, as a little baby. There was no room for him, so his mommy wrapped him in hay, in a feeding trough and laid him there for all the world to see. He was such an important person, yet there he lay in the hay. And he looked at everyone that came, and smiled. He knew no worry, stress, sadness, or any worldly woes. He just lay there in the hay and smiled. If he could talk, he’d say…. “I Love You.” As a young man, about 31, he had tons and tons of friends. He had 12 best friends. He was a Rockstar and everywhere he went, crowds of people followed. He was the man of the hour. Yet..he didn’t own his own home, didn’t own a camel and had no money. He had no need. He walked mile after mile, and always smiled. He would always tell you how much he loved you. Just 2 short years later, one of his best friends betrayed him and handed him over to the enemy. Some friend!! He was led away, laughed at, scorned, spit on and hit time and time again. Where were his best friends in his time of need?? They all ran for the hills. Some best friends!! And what about the crowds of people that followed him everywhere? They sold him out. So, with not a friend in the world, he was led into a courtyard, stripped of his clothes and beaten over and over. Whipped repeatidly, kicked, spit on, called possibly every filthy name one can imagine and then seconds from death, so bloody and unrecognizable that even his own mom didn’t recognize him, he was abandoned. No friends, no fans, nobody. Then…. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he was FORCED to carry a HEAVY cross up a hill, while people laughed at him, scorned him, kicked him and even spat on him. Imagine…he was once the man of the hour, the man EVERYONE loved. And, where were his best friends?? Finally…hanging on the cross, between 2 thieves, just seconds from death, he smiled the biggest smile you can imagine and said…. “I LOVE YOU.” And he died. And he was taken out with the trash. So to speak. Now, back to the final box. I know you didn’t pick box C. Why would you? It’s just a small, ugly, insignifigant box. It’s not even wrapped pretty, and doesn’t even have a bow. It’s so light it’s probably empty. You’d have to be a fool to pick this box. I mean, seriously, why would you pick this box? It’s just a little box, that has no value. Ok…ok…supposing you are one of the ones that actually picked this little, ordinary box, (I mean, seriously, why would you) let’s open it together. (Seriously…Come on…) You lift the lid off of this little box, that can easily fit in your hand and pull out a slip of paper. And this is what it says: “(insert your name) I LOVE YOU!” –Jesus Merry Christmas!

Christmas Pennies

Christmas Pennies -Tyson B. Troxel One by one, in they go 1 penny, 2 pennies, 3 pennies then 4 more All in the jar In they must go For Christmas is soon to be here A tradition I started a few years ago Something to give to baby Jesus so. Not much No, not much at all Christmas is a little ways away I know, I know, A penny is’nt much. No its really not Not even 2 or 3, or 5 more But just imagine, just imagine Christmas will soon be here A simple jar, just a mason jar A shiny red bow to decorate it so Nothing special, no, not at all But just imagine, just imagine Christmas coming soon What the heck! Why even 6 pennies won’t buy much Not a stick of gum, or even a lolli or two. But just imagine, just imagine Christmas is definatly coming soon One by one, in they go 37 pennies, no, now 54 more now. All in the jar In they must go Christmas is but a week away Why, in todays world, a pop cost a dollar, maybe more What are you saving all those pennies for? All unwrapped, half a jar, maybe more But just imagine, just imagine Christmas is only 6 days away The jar is full now, what do I do, what do I do? Why, start a second jar. This much is true Keep adding the pennies, 1, 2, 3 pennies more Just imagine, just imagine 5 more days til’ Christmas You might think I’m crazy, maybe I am For putting all these pennies in a jar What to do, what to do. Just imagine, what to do 4 more days until Christmas true Who wants a jar of pennies. A stupid jar full of pennies I mean, would you? What kind of gift is this, really? 3 more days until my wish comes true In they go, 1 by 1, then 7 so. 190 pennies, no, now 345 more now. 2 jars of pennies Just imagine, just imagine 2 days til Christmas true Christmas eve is finally here, I say my prayers, special ones indeed I bow before baby Jesus, I kiss his little head Just imagine, just imagine, Christmas is almost near 2 full jars of pennies now What to do, what do I do? I hear the stroke of midnight clear. Just imagine, just imagine Christmas is here I put on my coat and hat My gloves and scarf too. Out the door I go Just imagine, just imagine Christmas is finally here 1 block, two blocks, 3 blocks more I walk, I walk, and I walk. It has to be the perfect place, never the same, year after year It has to be the perfect place Christmas is in the air Finally. Oh, finally, ever so A not so cheery, ugly, run down park bench No, not very cheery at all. What to do, what do I do? Christmas is here I get on my knees, Cold, oh its cold. I set the pennies on the bench, lovingly so. Just imagine, just imagine A Christmas wish so Why I have no need for those pennies. Heck no! But just imagine, just imagine, Someone in need, On this Christmas morning. An old man, needing a cup of coffe so A little girl, needing 7 more pennies to buy mama a gift, so A homeless man starving of food, begging for $1.50 for some bread A mom with her newborn baby, in need of a newspaper for a blanket Just imagine, just imagine I have no need for these pennies, no sir’ee Just imagine, just imagine, I pray over every one Asking God, Asking God Just imagine, just imagine so If baby Jesus were never born If we had no need for Christmas, no sir’ee If we all had our every need Just imagine, just imagine A penny to me and you is just a penny. Why even 15 pennies dosen’t matter so It’s not in the pennies No Just imagine, just imagine I pray my pennies be a blessing I thank baby Jesus for every one. Yes, I give them ever freely so Just imagine, just imagine, Who receives them, so It’s Christmas, YES it is I wish it to you full of cheer And to the stranger, Who receives my pennies May they bless you ever so Merry Christmas!!

???

Lovers and Dreamers Unite. Love is a fleeting thing So on fire, so unreal It pierces your heart and leaves you undead Un-unite for the day is coming soon ---------------- Just like a piece of heaven It’s ever ever so sweet It can set your soul on fire Make you shout from the highest mt. top What will you do with the day? ---------------- Like fire from hell down below It will set your heart on fire Everything you touch becomes an electric shock Walking on air Red hearts day coming your way ----------------- Even a cool drink of water cant taste so sweet As a drink of necter from her lips She’ll make you smile, she’ll make you scream One tender touch, such sweet ecstacy Cupid is coming your way

Prequel to A Dream

Prequel to a Dream -Tyson B. Troxel Once upon a time, he was everything and nothing at all. It was as if he walked right out of a western movie. All he had left were the memories of a better and a worse yesterday and yet no hope of a brighter or better tomorrow. And he looked up and saw his father looking down onto him, from heaven. He was almost sure he could see tears in his eyes. His father holding out his hand. And the son silently thanked him. The father could only thank his son for giving his life and bringing his love into the world. Walking down the dusty trail, wearing his faded cowboy hat and his duster that had seen better centuries; he took off his boots and sat down. Did he ever think of a day when the world would close in on him and there would be no hope of a future? All magic was lost and a cool wind blew a tear down his face. How long had he walked so far from his home? That park in another time and place, where he could lay in the cool grass and dream a thousand restless dreams? His path led him straight, into yet another time and yet another place and still he must walk on. Never stopping. He looked up and asked his father to take him from this. And this too must pass. He drifted into sleep. Remembering that night. That night where he owned a club. That long lonely summer night where everyone came to dance. The dancing never stopped. Everyone came to his club to feel the feeling. The dancing was merry and it never stopped. It must have been decades ago. He was ontop of the world and he never stopped smiling. It was one nonstop party and the night never ended and the dancing never stopped. Oh the memory of that moment. Dancing, dancing, dancing…..Never stopping. And the lead guitar and the drums and the keyboardist. The saxophone really wailed and the magic never stopped. Or what of that time in Egypt? It just seemed like heaven. As if it was only a dream. A thousand dreams of yesterday and he was Egypt. The long long walks in the desert and all the talks of long ago. He could only remember and feel happy. It was always joyous and still sad, so sad. The memories of long, long ago’s and never a care for anything else. Egypt was his home for a time and he was king. There was much dance and many tales, too many tales. Egyptians and their walks into the night. Spring was always in the air and it never snowed. It was a much better time. And what of that endless fire on the mountain. It never went out and no amount of water or rain could kill the fire. It was the most dangerous fire of the century. It was defiantly something different and he saw her in it. She persuaded him to enter in. She was a witch and he loved her. It was all for her. All for her. He would kill for her. He started the fire for her. All for her. And the fire never went out. She desired him and he was mad for her. She persuaded him to enter in. He only set the fire higher and higher. The whole mountain was on fire. Soon too was the world. She desired him and he was mad for her. But, alas, that was another time and another place. Those days he never slept and she never stopped singing. Oil fell from heaven and he bathed in it, as if it was golden honey. The lights slowly shone on him. Smoke filled the stage. Just him and his baby grand. With each note, you could hear it from far far away. He played on and on, louder and louder. All of his passion pounded out every note. The music from the baby grand hypnotized him and he played on. Louder and louder and louder, banging the keys harder and harder. The melody was soft and sweet and so loud that it woke the dead from a far away planet. Romance filled the air and she came walking in. A wind blew in and her dress sailed her across the floor. He played on and on, louder and louder. His fingers bled and the music only became more and more of a beautiful melody. And he only played on. Running and running. Raining, never stopping. He raced and raced along the ocean’s edge. Further and further down the beach. A terrible nightmare and he could not wake. Raining, never stopping. Days and days, waves crashing in a hellish fury. There was a devilish music in the air. Louder and louder. Lightning striking all around. And yet he ran and ran, faster and faster. The beach never ended and her screams grew louder and louder. She was dying and he was running faster still. California gold. Fall time in the air and he went for a long walk. There was no hope left. She was dead a thousand years and no church would let him in to pray. He was a marked man and he just kept on dreaming of her. It was always fall in California and the pain never went away. He could never drink enough to make her disappear. He just kept on walking and dreaming. Hippy days and there was no peace for him. Never peace for him. He was a wanted man. Ireland and this is the end. He awakes and it is dark. So so damn dark. No place for him and no one to love him anymore. It’s always night and the stars no longer shine. His gold cross round’ his neck no longer shines. It only fades. His heart grows heavy and weak. Ireland is the end. His trail is over and his time is done. All of this can be yours and yet he wasted it all. It is always night here and he has no more hope. No more nothing. He only wants to feel something. And then he wakes……