Sometimes
When life is too tough to handle
And you can’t go it alone
It may take a warrior
Maybe a solider
Sometimes
The images are too much to bear
And we’re here
With open hands
To help you on your way
Maybe
The sun isn’t shining
That’s ok.
God wants to be your
Sonshine
And he wants to hold your hand
And he whispers to you
It’s a new day
Go forth..
Smile and be glad in it
Be blessed
And come on back
There’s a place
Where there’s
Hope
And angels bow in prayer
Where songs are
Whispered
And there is no
Pm
Just
AM
If you’re a child of God
You can be a
New babe
Knowing
In God alone
There is
Hope
And sonshine
And hugs
And happiness
It’s in the threads
It’s in the hope
That we
Boldly stand
Swords raised
Happy sunbeams
Ready to praise God,
Lift you up
And tell you
That it’s
A
New Day!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Why
Why
-Tyson B. Troxel
January 2011
Sitting here
All alone
In the dark
Wondering
WHY?
Why does it have to be this way?
And
Why?
Do I have to feel
This Way?
Why?
Do I have to smile
And be so positive
And live the good life
And
Why?
When inside I am hurting
I wanna give it up
Give it all away
And
Why?
Do you love me so.
Tears are coming down my face
My hand won’t stop shaking
I just want to jump
End it all
And
Why?
Do you hold out your hands
And call my name
Telling me you love me so
I am precious to you
And
Why?
Do I just want
You holding me
Loving me.
I am a good man
Loved by many
Adored by some
A life worth living
And
Why?
Does it hurt so damn bad
When I hear you calling
Tears in your eyes
And
Why?
Do you love me so?
My demons haunt me so.
Alcoholism
Depression
Loneliness
Cigarettes
Depression
And
Why?
Do you even accept me
For me
All my flaws
Good and bad
And
Why?
Do you laugh at me so.
Standing on the ledge
Ready to jump
To end it all
And
Why?
Won’t he bother
Why won’t she just call
Where are they?
My so called friends.
And
Why?
Are you standing up here
On the ledge next to me
Holding out your hand
Tears in your eyes
And
Why?
Do I matter so much to you?
A shaft of light shines down
And I am running
Jumping
Crying
About to end it all
Ready to die
And
Why?
Is it
Your arms
That I am running
Jumping
Falling into
And
Why?
Do you cling tightly to me?
I am waking
To a sunny day
And I am smiling
Knowing you are all that matters
And
That you love me
And
Why?
Is that good enough
Just you and me
You carrying me
Wiping my tears away
Comforting me
And
Why?
Am I Complete
In You?
-Tyson B. Troxel
January 2011
Sitting here
All alone
In the dark
Wondering
WHY?
Why does it have to be this way?
And
Why?
Do I have to feel
This Way?
Why?
Do I have to smile
And be so positive
And live the good life
And
Why?
When inside I am hurting
I wanna give it up
Give it all away
And
Why?
Do you love me so.
Tears are coming down my face
My hand won’t stop shaking
I just want to jump
End it all
And
Why?
Do you hold out your hands
And call my name
Telling me you love me so
I am precious to you
And
Why?
Do I just want
You holding me
Loving me.
I am a good man
Loved by many
Adored by some
A life worth living
And
Why?
Does it hurt so damn bad
When I hear you calling
Tears in your eyes
And
Why?
Do you love me so?
My demons haunt me so.
Alcoholism
Depression
Loneliness
Cigarettes
Depression
And
Why?
Do you even accept me
For me
All my flaws
Good and bad
And
Why?
Do you laugh at me so.
Standing on the ledge
Ready to jump
To end it all
And
Why?
Won’t he bother
Why won’t she just call
Where are they?
My so called friends.
And
Why?
Are you standing up here
On the ledge next to me
Holding out your hand
Tears in your eyes
And
Why?
Do I matter so much to you?
A shaft of light shines down
And I am running
Jumping
Crying
About to end it all
Ready to die
And
Why?
Is it
Your arms
That I am running
Jumping
Falling into
And
Why?
Do you cling tightly to me?
I am waking
To a sunny day
And I am smiling
Knowing you are all that matters
And
That you love me
And
Why?
Is that good enough
Just you and me
You carrying me
Wiping my tears away
Comforting me
And
Why?
Am I Complete
In You?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Insanity Blue - part 1
Sometimes there comes that single moment that defines who we are. It all comes down to one choice. What was the 1st thing you did this morning? Before you even got out of bed, before you took that 1st be=reath of air. Upon opening your eyes, it hits you. What’s your favorite color? This is the most important question you will answer all day. It defines who you are, but more importantly it sets into action the entire course of events of the rest of your day.
This is my story.
Insanity Blue.
Same story, different day. Always the same. Just different events. My life starts the same way every day. The alarm goes off a dozen times and I finally curse the day, try to sit up and realize it’s gonna be a bad day. Sit up, cough half a dozen times, grab the asprin bottle, pop six in my mouth and down half a bottle of water. I check the time and realize I have 10 minutes to be to work. What else is new. This working two jobs, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is slowly killing me, But I LOVE IT!
As I quickly throw on day old clothes and am washing my face, I think back to the events of three years ago. What happened? What went wrong? Why can’t I remember what happened next or he six months that followed? As I shave, my hand looses control and the razor hit’s the floor and my hand goes into spasms. I grab for the pain pills, pop 2 and sit down. Eight minutes til’ I have to be to work.
Walking into the kitchen, I pop my 1st Mt. Dew of the day, down half of it and light up the 1st of many cigarettes. My hand slowly stops shaking. I look at the pictures on my fridge. Half of them, people and places I don’t remember. Putting on my watch and rings, I put my wallet in my back pocket and put on my name badge. There is a card next to it.
“Your name is Thomas and you are loved by many. Smile. We ALL Love you.”
Grabing my backpack, I threw my leather coat on, put my sunglasses on and walked out the door. As the door shut and clicked I saw a flash of bright light and an image of me falling, in my head, and I fell to my knees. The insanity has to stop. All dat, everyday, all I see in my head are broken images and bits of pieces of something I don’t know. With that, I threw up and got back up. 2 minutes til I had to be at work and clocked in.
Walking out my front door, of the building I live in, my bellhop, greeted me.
“Good morning sir. Here’s your morning coffee, just the way you like it. I called ahead and they know you will be a few minutes late. Have a good day, sir.”
What the hell is his name.? As I went to light a cigarette she reached out her hand and lit it for me.
“Good morning Tom, I hope I’ll see you at 1pm. Your beard is getting shaggy. Tim has a new magic trick to show you.”
Who the hell is she?
I walked the block to work.
Showing up at 8:03am, I took a seat at my desk and took a sip of my coffee. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long day. That and the fact that I felt a slight migraine coming on. I booted up my computer, scanned through the 50 some odd e-mails, wrote a memo and walked out of my office and into the breakroom.
Someone had baked fresh cookies. I took one and bit into it. Peanut butter. My favorite. I went over to another table and noticed a sheet of paper. Someone was working on a poem. Interesting title. “Reason”. I read it and smiled. Walking over to the puzzle table I flipped a few pieces around and walked out. Time to make my morning rounds.
And so down from the offices on the 2nd floor, through the Teen Wing, down the stairs, saying good morning to the Info team, I read a flyer for an upcoming concert and headed for New Arrivals. No new book by my favorite author yet. I made a note to stop by the bookstore on the way home and buy a copy.
And it was then, that I remembered the Reason.
The Reason
All I am missing is you
And you are not missing me
And
I am sitting all alone
In the dark
Under a blood red moon
Darkness all around
And I am missing you.
Now I know what I want
And it all I can take
All I can bear
And the pills
Will make you disapear
And make me go insane
And you
I am somewhere else
Why?
No!!
I can’t take the pain!
And I am fading away
And all I see
is you laughin at me
This is my story.
Insanity Blue.
Same story, different day. Always the same. Just different events. My life starts the same way every day. The alarm goes off a dozen times and I finally curse the day, try to sit up and realize it’s gonna be a bad day. Sit up, cough half a dozen times, grab the asprin bottle, pop six in my mouth and down half a bottle of water. I check the time and realize I have 10 minutes to be to work. What else is new. This working two jobs, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is slowly killing me, But I LOVE IT!
As I quickly throw on day old clothes and am washing my face, I think back to the events of three years ago. What happened? What went wrong? Why can’t I remember what happened next or he six months that followed? As I shave, my hand looses control and the razor hit’s the floor and my hand goes into spasms. I grab for the pain pills, pop 2 and sit down. Eight minutes til’ I have to be to work.
Walking into the kitchen, I pop my 1st Mt. Dew of the day, down half of it and light up the 1st of many cigarettes. My hand slowly stops shaking. I look at the pictures on my fridge. Half of them, people and places I don’t remember. Putting on my watch and rings, I put my wallet in my back pocket and put on my name badge. There is a card next to it.
“Your name is Thomas and you are loved by many. Smile. We ALL Love you.”
Grabing my backpack, I threw my leather coat on, put my sunglasses on and walked out the door. As the door shut and clicked I saw a flash of bright light and an image of me falling, in my head, and I fell to my knees. The insanity has to stop. All dat, everyday, all I see in my head are broken images and bits of pieces of something I don’t know. With that, I threw up and got back up. 2 minutes til I had to be at work and clocked in.
Walking out my front door, of the building I live in, my bellhop, greeted me.
“Good morning sir. Here’s your morning coffee, just the way you like it. I called ahead and they know you will be a few minutes late. Have a good day, sir.”
What the hell is his name.? As I went to light a cigarette she reached out her hand and lit it for me.
“Good morning Tom, I hope I’ll see you at 1pm. Your beard is getting shaggy. Tim has a new magic trick to show you.”
Who the hell is she?
I walked the block to work.
Showing up at 8:03am, I took a seat at my desk and took a sip of my coffee. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long day. That and the fact that I felt a slight migraine coming on. I booted up my computer, scanned through the 50 some odd e-mails, wrote a memo and walked out of my office and into the breakroom.
Someone had baked fresh cookies. I took one and bit into it. Peanut butter. My favorite. I went over to another table and noticed a sheet of paper. Someone was working on a poem. Interesting title. “Reason”. I read it and smiled. Walking over to the puzzle table I flipped a few pieces around and walked out. Time to make my morning rounds.
And so down from the offices on the 2nd floor, through the Teen Wing, down the stairs, saying good morning to the Info team, I read a flyer for an upcoming concert and headed for New Arrivals. No new book by my favorite author yet. I made a note to stop by the bookstore on the way home and buy a copy.
And it was then, that I remembered the Reason.
The Reason
All I am missing is you
And you are not missing me
And
I am sitting all alone
In the dark
Under a blood red moon
Darkness all around
And I am missing you.
Now I know what I want
And it all I can take
All I can bear
And the pills
Will make you disapear
And make me go insane
And you
I am somewhere else
Why?
No!!
I can’t take the pain!
And I am fading away
And all I see
is you laughin at me
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