Insanity Blue - part 1

Sometimes there comes that single moment that defines who we are. It all comes down to one choice. What was the 1st thing you did this morning? Before you even got out of bed, before you took that 1st be=reath of air. Upon opening your eyes, it hits you. What’s your favorite color? This is the most important question you will answer all day. It defines who you are, but more importantly it sets into action the entire course of events of the rest of your day.
This is my story.
Insanity Blue.
Same story, different day. Always the same. Just different events. My life starts the same way every day. The alarm goes off a dozen times and I finally curse the day, try to sit up and realize it’s gonna be a bad day. Sit up, cough half a dozen times, grab the asprin bottle, pop six in my mouth and down half a bottle of water. I check the time and realize I have 10 minutes to be to work. What else is new. This working two jobs, 7 days a week, 365 days a year is slowly killing me, But I LOVE IT!
As I quickly throw on day old clothes and am washing my face, I think back to the events of three years ago. What happened? What went wrong? Why can’t I remember what happened next or he six months that followed? As I shave, my hand looses control and the razor hit’s the floor and my hand goes into spasms. I grab for the pain pills, pop 2 and sit down. Eight minutes til’ I have to be to work.
Walking into the kitchen, I pop my 1st Mt. Dew of the day, down half of it and light up the 1st of many cigarettes. My hand slowly stops shaking. I look at the pictures on my fridge. Half of them, people and places I don’t remember. Putting on my watch and rings, I put my wallet in my back pocket and put on my name badge. There is a card next to it.
“Your name is Thomas and you are loved by many. Smile. We ALL Love you.”
Grabing my backpack, I threw my leather coat on, put my sunglasses on and walked out the door. As the door shut and clicked I saw a flash of bright light and an image of me falling, in my head, and I fell to my knees. The insanity has to stop. All dat, everyday, all I see in my head are broken images and bits of pieces of something I don’t know. With that, I threw up and got back up. 2 minutes til I had to be at work and clocked in.
Walking out my front door, of the building I live in, my bellhop, greeted me.
“Good morning sir. Here’s your morning coffee, just the way you like it. I called ahead and they know you will be a few minutes late. Have a good day, sir.”
What the hell is his name.? As I went to light a cigarette she reached out her hand and lit it for me.
“Good morning Tom, I hope I’ll see you at 1pm. Your beard is getting shaggy. Tim has a new magic trick to show you.”
Who the hell is she?
I walked the block to work.
Showing up at 8:03am, I took a seat at my desk and took a sip of my coffee. I had a feeling that this was going to be a long day. That and the fact that I felt a slight migraine coming on. I booted up my computer, scanned through the 50 some odd e-mails, wrote a memo and walked out of my office and into the breakroom.
Someone had baked fresh cookies. I took one and bit into it. Peanut butter. My favorite. I went over to another table and noticed a sheet of paper. Someone was working on a poem. Interesting title. “Reason”. I read it and smiled. Walking over to the puzzle table I flipped a few pieces around and walked out. Time to make my morning rounds.
And so down from the offices on the 2nd floor, through the Teen Wing, down the stairs, saying good morning to the Info team, I read a flyer for an upcoming concert and headed for New Arrivals. No new book by my favorite author yet. I made a note to stop by the bookstore on the way home and buy a copy.
And it was then, that I remembered the Reason.

The Reason

All I am missing is you
And you are not missing me
And
I am sitting all alone
In the dark
Under a blood red moon
Darkness all around
And I am missing you.

Now I know what I want
And it all I can take
All I can bear
And the pills
Will make you disapear
And make me go insane
And you
I am somewhere else

Why?
No!!
I can’t take the pain!
And I am fading away
And all I see
is you laughin at me