Slave to the pain

Slave to the Pain
------------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. troxel

Here I sit
Slave to the pain.
I can't surrener.
Not yet
the headache is too awful
The jitters too much
Agitated, cranky, to the max
Was I like this before?

I quit drinking.
That damn near killed me.
Threw me into the hospital twice.
Now,
I'm all better.
Looking at almost 9 months sober.
I was scary then.
I'm better today.
I live a good life.
A full life
Surrounded by friends.
Real friends.

Now, I'm quiting smoking.
It hurts so bad.
I just want to sleep
To sleep,
Means no craving.
I'm eating twizzlers,
Trying to make it go away.
Ashtrays are in the garbage
The last remaining butts stare at me
Begging me to smoke em'
Smoke up Johnny!
Go buy another pack
I'm a slave to it.

How many twizzlers will it take?
How many lollipops.
How many headaches?
How many twitches?
What'll I do when the triggers come?
Am I that bad?
Will my friends get me through?
Should I just surrender?
Is it really that easy?
Will God make it go away?
Will he make it all better?
I'm just a slave!

Mr.D says keep my hands busy
Play video games
Have another twizzler.
My friends clap and applaud my decision.
1/2 of them go light up.
I stand beside them,
munching on my damn red twizzler.
Am I really this bad?
Am I just making it this bad?
Just surrender.
I wanna tell you all to bug off.
i wanna sleep until it goes away.
Check outta life,
Until I feel better.
I'm a slave.

What if I get sick of red twizzlers and lollipops.
What then?
What can I substitute next?
how bout' some carrot sticks.
Then what?
Maybe I should just chop my hands off
Sleep my life away.
Grip onto that BIBLE
Use it as a life preserver.
Come on
I gotta rise up
I gotta be bigger than this.
I gotta rise up.
That's what "The Boss" says.
I think he's a slave

I know I can get through this.
If i just sleep, sleep sleep,
Play video games,
Eat, eat, eat
Figure out my twizzler triggers
Just don't smoke.
Keep my hands busy
Stay active
Drink a ton of coffee
A whole buncha lollipops
I don't wanna be a butt slave
A filthy smoker
I just wanna be ok.

Will you help me?
Will you make it all ok?
Will you make the pain go away?
No, I didn't think so.
This is my battle
My addiction
My demon!
I have to do it my way
My pace, my stake, my space
Alright, alright, alright!!
I'm mad now. Insane now!
I hear the drums beating.