I first saw her that Friday night. I saw him a week later. Both of them were strangers to me.
-------
In busy downtown Nashville is a church called New Hope. I am a member of that church. I'm also the welcome team director. It's my goal to welcome every single person to church every Sunday with a warm welcome, a handshake and hug. It's my personal goal to meet two new people and get to know them every week.
My team is very diverse. Ten of us make up the group. We range in age from 16 to 75. I'm the only white guy on the team. Every one else is either Hispanic, black, or a mixture of a lot of other races. Like I said, we are very diverse. I am the only 35 year old. We call our team Diverse City.
On Friday and Saturday nights I manage our church's nightclub, GodZone. Anyone is welcome and we have live bands, a dance floor, prayer rooms and a huge bar stocked with pop and water. There are two parts of the club I am most fond of.
The Friendship Table is the first one. It is a place to sit and get to know new people and make new friends. I can be found sitting there most Saturday nights. The table sits 35. I met my best friend at this table.
The second, is the alter. In a private area of the club is a long velvet bench. In front of it is a huge wooden cross. Anyone at anytime can come, kneel and pray. Countless hundreds of people have been saved here. I am one of them. Every night before opening and after closing, I come here and cry out to God.
New Hope boasts 350 members and 100+ visitors every Sunday. Our pastor is a man on fire for God. His simple sermons bring everyone to tears and he always ends each service with one challenge. Meet one new person before going home and give them God's love.
Our praise and worship leader was the keyboard player for Michael W. Smith in the early 1990's. He quite often plays at the club, with his own praise/rock band. He is my best friend. He challenges my thinking in scary ways. His enthusiasm for God is sincere. He is the most real and honest man I've ever met.
The story begins like this. It starts before church one Sunday, 2 weeks before Christmas and it ends Christmas eve at the club, at the alter. I wish this story was a happy one. It's not. There is hope though. You might want a box of Kleenex. I'm just warning you now.
-------
I am a recovering drug/alcoholic junkie. I started when I was 13. My last high was on Christmas eve 3 years ago. I was rushed to the emergency room, covered in blood. I was pronounced dead. Two weeks later, I walked into GodZone, and knelt at that cross and gave my life to God. I've been clean ever since.
Two years ago I became New Hope's Welcome director and a year ago I became GodZone's manager. In the last two years I've personally saved over three thousand hurting and lost people. It is my personal three minute testimony that has saved people and brought countless others back to God. I am nothing special. Just another man.
Three weeks ago, I started loosing my belief in God. He just stopped becoming real to me. And then on a Friday night I was headed home from work, when I stopped to pick up supper. A case of beer later, I was passed out on my bathroom floor. I couldn't tell anyone. This was my private shame. I stopped believing and gave up hope.
-------
This was to be a special church service. The church was giving every single person a gift as they came into church. Then select people would share their testimonies, give someone a special gift and sit down. There was to be special praise and worship, a Christmas message and a special surprise. I was asked to share my testimony.
10Am and my welcome team was lined up and ready to go. I stepped into a private room, fell to my knees and began weeping. How could I possibly testify, when I had done what I did. I'm not even sure God would hear me. I didn't feel love from him since my slip. I had lost all hope.
I got up, composed myself and went back out. People were arriving and I had a team to lead. I too would be handing out presents. Half an hour later, I released my team to go into church and I stepped outside and lit up a cigarette.
-------
There he was. This homeless man. Standing across the street, staring at me and smiling. I blinked and he was gone. I went back inside and then she walked in. I had never seen her before. I greeted her and reached for a present to give her. There weren't any left. I felt horrible. She just smiled and went inside, but not before hugging me and kissing my cheek.
-------
It was my turn to get up and give my testimony. I knew I couldn't do this. I couldn't lie and I definatly wasn't going to tell the truth. Everyone was waiting. I walked up, took the microphone and in a quiet voice apologized and said I couldn't do this. I set the microphone down and walked out of church.
Ten minutes later I slipped back in, took a seat in the back and waited for service to end. I was a total wreck. I was also crying.
Service ended and I got up to quickly leave. I felt a small hand grip my arm. I turned and there she was. She hugged me, and smiled the hugest smile I'd ever seen.
“It's gonna be OK. I love you”
She handed me a small present.
I handed it back and turned to leave. I made it all the way to the front door.
There she was.
“I Love you”
She tried to hug me and I rushed outside. I had to get out of here. Something made me turn around. I looked back inside and she was hanging her head in tears.
-------
I looked up, and there was the homeless man. Just standing there, smiling at me.
I ran all the way to my car and sped home.
-------
Friday night and the club was packed.
I just sat in my office. I had no hope and I couldn't go out there and be a part of a lie. I lost all my belief in God. I had an empty heart and I was depressed.
Something however made me get up and go out to the bar..
-------
There she was.
She walked in, tears in her eyes and sat at a back table, all alone. She sat there the entire night.
Ten minutes before closing and there was just the two of us.
I saw her go to the alter, set a package down and rush out in tears.
-------
I locked the club up and turned for my car.
There he was. The homeless man.
“I love you”
He reached out his hand.
“He forgives you. Come home son.”
He stepped closer. Hand still reaching out to me.
“All she wants is your love. Can you not give her just that?”
I ran for my car and sped home.
-----
Saturday night the club was packed beyond capacity. My friend was rocking out on keyboards. We were short staffed so I was working the bar.
Halfway into the night she walked in, tears in her eyes. She went to the back table and just sat there, all alone.
An hour later, he walked in, walked back to her and sat down and hugged her.
Just before the club closed I turned and saw the two of them knelt at the alter. I could here her crying. It was just the 3 of us. He turned to me and stretched out his hand.
“We love you. Come home son. You are forgiven.”
-------
Sunday came and I stayed home.
-------
Friday night.
Christmas Eve,
The club was dead.
She walked in, smiled at me and went to the alter.
He walked in. The homeless man. He walked right up to me.
“I came here to bring you home son. You don't have to carry the guilt anymore. I forgive you. I love you. Come to the alter. It's Christmas.”
. He went to the alter, hugged her and they knelt in prayer.
I began weeping. I couldn't fight this any longer. I sat at the Friendship table and wept.
In the background I heard the keyboard begin to play “Amazing Grace”
I rushed to the alter. Unable to contain it anymore.
-----
She took my hand.
“I love you.”
She handed me the present.
“I know you can't love me right now. It's OK. I love you and won't leave you.”
I opened the present and removed a small necklace with a key on it.
“I love you. It's the key to your heart. I was sent to help you love again. You don't have to feel lonely anymore. I love you.”
She hugged me and began weeping.
-----
He took my hand in his.
“Son, I forgive you. Tonite I am unlocking your heart and filling it with my love. Don't fight it any longer. I came here to give you love. I died to save you.”
He hugged me and I wept on his shoulder. He just held me.
“Let it all out.”
And I did.
------
The clock stroked midnight.
“I have a very special Christmas present.”
He took her hands and put them in mine.
“You don't have to be alone anymore. I give my love freely. I will never ever ever leave you. I love you”
With that she hugged me and began weeping.
“I love you”
------
I looked up but he was gone.
It was just the two of us.
She looked me in the eyes.
“I love you”
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Best Kind of Memories
The Best Kind of Memories
(For The World’s Best Grandma/MOM/Best Friend)
-Tyson B. Troxel
November 2009
There are all kinds of memories
Good memories
Bad memories
Made up memories
Fairy tales
Happily ever afters
And
Not so happily ever afters
If you can’t say anything nice,
Don’t say it at all.
Smile
Say at least one nice thing
Put on a happy face
No one likes a frowner
Piano lessons make happy little boys
Paper routes make you good and strong
Kringla and Potato cakes
Oh My!
Dragons and unicorns
Princes and princesses
Little boys
G.I. Joe’s and Star Wars
Basements with hidden treasures
Garages full of baseball cards
Kites flying in the sky
Bikes jumping the creek
The most wonderful smells coming from upstairs
Little boys don’t stay little boys forever
Sometimes they grow up.
Sometimes they really don’t.
Sneaking one of grandpas’ cigars or one of dads cigarettes
Maybe sneaking a sip of uncle’s beer
Or listening to those dirty rock records.
Maybe we just go to church
Yes sir, please and thank you.
Cub Scouts turning into fine little men
Or racing around in souped up cars.
F.A.C.E and A.C.E. and C.A.B.L.E
Piano chords
And I wish I could still play
My heart grows heavy
Tears all sing a sweet song
Guitar strings strumming
Drums banging loudly
Snails and whales and puppy dog tales
Or so it goes
Dragons and unicorns dancing under a full moon.
Sitting at the top of the stairs
Hurt and lonely and crying
While everyone goes off to play
Rollercoaster’s and bumper cars
Cotton candy and corn dogs on a stick
All alone
Sitting
At the top of the stairs
And now I’m looking back on it all
Little boys must grow up sometime
The toys must be all put away
The kringla are but a memory
Paper routes now leave strong muscles
Long lost days in the park are no more
Maybe we drink our beer
Smoke our cigars
Or enjoy a fine glass of wine
And buy grandma another margarita
And take her on a date
Down to Freemont Street for some prime rib.
The pictures of Oslo and Bergen
Sitting in that foreign café
Walking through the art gallery
Smelling those nasty fish heads
Taking a puddle jumper, sailing down the fjord.
Seeing the midnight sun in my dreams
Are now but a happiest happy memory.
Wedding days
Not so happy days
Long lost cups of coffee
Dinner in Mt. Charleston
Cups of hot cocoa
Sad days
Too many tears
Let’s start with one word
Next week two.
I’ll wash your clothes
Just take me on our coffee date
Let’s go grocery shopping
You want your beer, your cigarettes?
Not on my dime.
I’ll do anything for you.
I pray for you
Grandma, I love you
You are so very pretty
Long lost cups of coffee
Dreams of Trondheim
And I still see your beauty
And see your smile
Your tears
And patty cake all day long
Snails and tails and puppy dog tales
Sitting up on the summit
Drinking our morning coffee
Laughing and sharing
And thinking of long lost, long agos
Missing you
Wanting to always be with you
Drinking our coffee
And not forgetting each yesterday
Laughing and sharing
Me telling you I Love You
And you telling me it’s gonna be ok.
Each nite
I thank God for MY grandma
And every moment
I call you MOM
And my dreams all lead
Straight back home
To Norway and beyond
To the top of those stairs
Past all the garage sales
Past all the forgotten coffee dates
And all the lost moments
And
I wish you well, my dear
What of tomorrow??
If we are but miles away..
Well…
My dear,
If you wake and there is a knock on your door
And a fine young man is standing near
Dressed in a silk shirt, well ironed trousers and is smiling
Wearing Gucci shoes, smelling of fine cologne
The most expensive sunglasses and the finest rose in his hand
And…
He turns to look at the most expensive black BMW convertible
And
He takes your hand…..
We are sitting together
In Bergen
In Grieg’s house
Sipping the finest coffee
Laughing and laughing and laughing
And time will never ever end
And I call you MOM
And you kiss my cheek
And I tell you how beautiful you are
And dragons and unicorns dance and play
And time will never end
The door knocks
Up high on the summit
And it is summertime
And Yurt 13 is clean and waiting
And you open the door
Here I am gwamma
Your little boy of just two
Is here
And wants to walk with you
Tell me a story
And bake me some kringla
Yes please and thank you
Grandma
MOM
My dear friend
I love you forever
And
I ALWAYS will
You are ALWAYS beautiful to me
Forever and ever
AMEN!
***I Love you more than you’ll ever know. Words can never ever express my gratitude for you. You have made me the fine young man I am today. Let’s promise to meet in Norway for just one more cup of coffee, one more walk through the art gallery, one more treasured memory. I Love you!***
(For The World’s Best Grandma/MOM/Best Friend)
-Tyson B. Troxel
November 2009
There are all kinds of memories
Good memories
Bad memories
Made up memories
Fairy tales
Happily ever afters
And
Not so happily ever afters
If you can’t say anything nice,
Don’t say it at all.
Smile
Say at least one nice thing
Put on a happy face
No one likes a frowner
Piano lessons make happy little boys
Paper routes make you good and strong
Kringla and Potato cakes
Oh My!
Dragons and unicorns
Princes and princesses
Little boys
G.I. Joe’s and Star Wars
Basements with hidden treasures
Garages full of baseball cards
Kites flying in the sky
Bikes jumping the creek
The most wonderful smells coming from upstairs
Little boys don’t stay little boys forever
Sometimes they grow up.
Sometimes they really don’t.
Sneaking one of grandpas’ cigars or one of dads cigarettes
Maybe sneaking a sip of uncle’s beer
Or listening to those dirty rock records.
Maybe we just go to church
Yes sir, please and thank you.
Cub Scouts turning into fine little men
Or racing around in souped up cars.
F.A.C.E and A.C.E. and C.A.B.L.E
Piano chords
And I wish I could still play
My heart grows heavy
Tears all sing a sweet song
Guitar strings strumming
Drums banging loudly
Snails and whales and puppy dog tales
Or so it goes
Dragons and unicorns dancing under a full moon.
Sitting at the top of the stairs
Hurt and lonely and crying
While everyone goes off to play
Rollercoaster’s and bumper cars
Cotton candy and corn dogs on a stick
All alone
Sitting
At the top of the stairs
And now I’m looking back on it all
Little boys must grow up sometime
The toys must be all put away
The kringla are but a memory
Paper routes now leave strong muscles
Long lost days in the park are no more
Maybe we drink our beer
Smoke our cigars
Or enjoy a fine glass of wine
And buy grandma another margarita
And take her on a date
Down to Freemont Street for some prime rib.
The pictures of Oslo and Bergen
Sitting in that foreign café
Walking through the art gallery
Smelling those nasty fish heads
Taking a puddle jumper, sailing down the fjord.
Seeing the midnight sun in my dreams
Are now but a happiest happy memory.
Wedding days
Not so happy days
Long lost cups of coffee
Dinner in Mt. Charleston
Cups of hot cocoa
Sad days
Too many tears
Let’s start with one word
Next week two.
I’ll wash your clothes
Just take me on our coffee date
Let’s go grocery shopping
You want your beer, your cigarettes?
Not on my dime.
I’ll do anything for you.
I pray for you
Grandma, I love you
You are so very pretty
Long lost cups of coffee
Dreams of Trondheim
And I still see your beauty
And see your smile
Your tears
And patty cake all day long
Snails and tails and puppy dog tales
Sitting up on the summit
Drinking our morning coffee
Laughing and sharing
And thinking of long lost, long agos
Missing you
Wanting to always be with you
Drinking our coffee
And not forgetting each yesterday
Laughing and sharing
Me telling you I Love You
And you telling me it’s gonna be ok.
Each nite
I thank God for MY grandma
And every moment
I call you MOM
And my dreams all lead
Straight back home
To Norway and beyond
To the top of those stairs
Past all the garage sales
Past all the forgotten coffee dates
And all the lost moments
And
I wish you well, my dear
What of tomorrow??
If we are but miles away..
Well…
My dear,
If you wake and there is a knock on your door
And a fine young man is standing near
Dressed in a silk shirt, well ironed trousers and is smiling
Wearing Gucci shoes, smelling of fine cologne
The most expensive sunglasses and the finest rose in his hand
And…
He turns to look at the most expensive black BMW convertible
And
He takes your hand…..
We are sitting together
In Bergen
In Grieg’s house
Sipping the finest coffee
Laughing and laughing and laughing
And time will never ever end
And I call you MOM
And you kiss my cheek
And I tell you how beautiful you are
And dragons and unicorns dance and play
And time will never end
The door knocks
Up high on the summit
And it is summertime
And Yurt 13 is clean and waiting
And you open the door
Here I am gwamma
Your little boy of just two
Is here
And wants to walk with you
Tell me a story
And bake me some kringla
Yes please and thank you
Grandma
MOM
My dear friend
I love you forever
And
I ALWAYS will
You are ALWAYS beautiful to me
Forever and ever
AMEN!
***I Love you more than you’ll ever know. Words can never ever express my gratitude for you. You have made me the fine young man I am today. Let’s promise to meet in Norway for just one more cup of coffee, one more walk through the art gallery, one more treasured memory. I Love you!***
Monday, October 12, 2009
The One
The One
-Tyson B. Troxel
-October 2009
Here I am.
Here I am.
All alone.
Sitting in the dark.
Staring up into the night.
Darkness all around me.
I am so lonely.
So so lonely.
There you are.
All popular.
You're the latest thing.
Everyone loves you.
You're everyone's friend.
Always smiling.
Never lonely.
I go to church.
I am a stranger in the crowd.
Noone notices me.
I smile.
I say hi.
Everyone passes me by
Everyone ignores me.
Noone bothers.
Noone takes me to lunch.
I go home alone.
So so lonely.
You're everyone's friend.
Everyone talks to you.
They all want to hold your hand.
They all want to be like you.
You say all the right words.
You make everyone laugh.
Looking so good.
Smelling so good.
Your social calendar is always full.
You're never alone.
Here I am.
Begging for one.
Just one.
Won't somebody just say hi.
Notice me.
Ask why I'm crying
Ask if I'd like to tag along.
Be one of you.
Part of you.
I'm so lonely.
You're never lonely.
You have somebody.
Always someone holding your hand
Always someone cheering you on.
Even when you're alone.
You're not really.
There's always a replacement.
You always have someone.
Never lonely.
Here I am.
I wake up alone.
I eat my meals alone.
I go to work alone.
I check my phone.
Noone calling.
I go to the store and buy for one.
I shop for one.
I talk to noone.
Noone really cares.
I'm so lonely.
At home you are a couple.
At the movies you are loved on.
At the store you shop for a family.
Phone always ringing.
Noone forgets your birthday.
Always going out to lunch.
Sipping coffee with friends.
Always out and about.
Friends are always near.
You're never lonely.
I wonder.
Oh God...
I wonder.
Am I the only one.
Is it just me?
Is there just one.
One other.
One somebody.
Like me.
There you are.
Tears in your eyes.
So so lonely.
All alone.
Noone's beauty queen.
Noone's Juliet.
Noone's friend.
Noone's Somebody.
Tears in your eyes.
All alone.
So so lonely.
Here I am
There you are
Sitting in church
You're doing the same
Won't somebody just say hi
Feel like going home
Tears in my eyes
Please won't someone notice me?
This is crap!
This isn't worth it
Church isn't worth this misery
I'm not coming here anymore
Noone would care
I'm just a stranger
God doesn't need me here
God doesn't love me
Screw it!
Tears flow down her cheeks.
He gets up and leaves
She runs out, crying
Here I am
All alone
So so lonely.
Sitting at home
Lights out.
Eating another frozen burrito
There she is
All alone in her empty apartment
Eating her leftover chili
Tears in her eyes.
Contemplating
Maybe
Ending it all
Another day at the library
She's sitting in the children's section of the library
Shelving books
Reading Dr. Seuss
Walking into the children's section
Tears in her eyes
Lonely
I just want a child of my own
I just want to be loved
Someone to read books to
Someone to love me
Grief and loneliness overcome her
He can't stand the pain of loneliness anymore
She leaves in tears
He notices Dr. Seuss on the floor.
Outside
Running to her car
Rain coming down
Tears flowing down her cheeks
She drops her keys
Her cell phone falls out of her purse
She falls to her knees sobbing
“Why, God, Why??????”
Picking Dr. Seuss up
He hears tires screeching to a stop
He hears a loud scream
He falls to his knees
Tears fill his eyes.
“Why, God, Why!!!!!”
Lying lifeless in the bed
Tubes hooked up every which way
No sign of life.
Noone coming to hold her hand.
Her thoughts tell her to give up.
Something else tells her to hang on.
Please hang on.
He gets on his bike.
Feels like giving up
Peels out and into the intersection
Doesn't bother looking.
Tires screech to a stop
He is airborn
Falls to the pavement with a hard thud.
He goes limp
Days pass.
She lies there lifeless.
No sign of life.
No desire to live.
Noone comes to visit.
Noone cares.
Why should she.
He wakes in a hospital bed
Lucky to be alive.
Not a broken bone.
Just cuts and bruises.
Wishing he were dead.
Noone would miss him.
He doesn't have any friends.
All alone.
So so lonely.
She wakes.
He awakes from a nap.
Flowers on her table
Flowers on his
A Bible and a note
A Bible and a note.
“I Love you!
I am YOUR friend
Don't give up.
Come back to church
I'll be in blue.
I love you”
-The ONE
He smiles
She smiles
Someone loves me
Someone loves me
“BUT Who?”
He walks into church
Noone notices him.
He takes his seat
Third row, 1st chair, left side
She enters church
All alone
She takes her seat
5th row, 1st seat, right side
He looks around
She looks around
Everyone is wearing red
Everyone is wearing green
WAIT!!!
Someone is wearing BLUE
He's wearing BLUE!
Service begins
Praise and worship ends
Tears are in his eyes
He's all alone
She's crying
She just wants to leave
Pastor gets up.
“Welcome everyone!
Take a moment,
Greet a stranger”
Noone cares
Why should I bother
I'm just a nobody.
Tears running down her cheeks
She walks up to him
Puts her hand on his shoulder
God softly whispers:
“I LOVE you”
He turns
Looks at her
She smiles
Afraid...So afraid
He smiles
Tears in his eyes
She smiles
“Hi”
***This is a VERY true depiction of REAL life events. This happens all the time. I am one of the LONELY! While I am an OVERCOMER of the loneliness, I still know just how lonely lonely feels. I am one of the many in the crowd. I still battle the loneliness.
Won't you please take one minute of your time and be:
THE ONE
-Tyson B. Troxel
-October 2009
Here I am.
Here I am.
All alone.
Sitting in the dark.
Staring up into the night.
Darkness all around me.
I am so lonely.
So so lonely.
There you are.
All popular.
You're the latest thing.
Everyone loves you.
You're everyone's friend.
Always smiling.
Never lonely.
I go to church.
I am a stranger in the crowd.
Noone notices me.
I smile.
I say hi.
Everyone passes me by
Everyone ignores me.
Noone bothers.
Noone takes me to lunch.
I go home alone.
So so lonely.
You're everyone's friend.
Everyone talks to you.
They all want to hold your hand.
They all want to be like you.
You say all the right words.
You make everyone laugh.
Looking so good.
Smelling so good.
Your social calendar is always full.
You're never alone.
Here I am.
Begging for one.
Just one.
Won't somebody just say hi.
Notice me.
Ask why I'm crying
Ask if I'd like to tag along.
Be one of you.
Part of you.
I'm so lonely.
You're never lonely.
You have somebody.
Always someone holding your hand
Always someone cheering you on.
Even when you're alone.
You're not really.
There's always a replacement.
You always have someone.
Never lonely.
Here I am.
I wake up alone.
I eat my meals alone.
I go to work alone.
I check my phone.
Noone calling.
I go to the store and buy for one.
I shop for one.
I talk to noone.
Noone really cares.
I'm so lonely.
At home you are a couple.
At the movies you are loved on.
At the store you shop for a family.
Phone always ringing.
Noone forgets your birthday.
Always going out to lunch.
Sipping coffee with friends.
Always out and about.
Friends are always near.
You're never lonely.
I wonder.
Oh God...
I wonder.
Am I the only one.
Is it just me?
Is there just one.
One other.
One somebody.
Like me.
There you are.
Tears in your eyes.
So so lonely.
All alone.
Noone's beauty queen.
Noone's Juliet.
Noone's friend.
Noone's Somebody.
Tears in your eyes.
All alone.
So so lonely.
Here I am
There you are
Sitting in church
You're doing the same
Won't somebody just say hi
Feel like going home
Tears in my eyes
Please won't someone notice me?
This is crap!
This isn't worth it
Church isn't worth this misery
I'm not coming here anymore
Noone would care
I'm just a stranger
God doesn't need me here
God doesn't love me
Screw it!
Tears flow down her cheeks.
He gets up and leaves
She runs out, crying
Here I am
All alone
So so lonely.
Sitting at home
Lights out.
Eating another frozen burrito
There she is
All alone in her empty apartment
Eating her leftover chili
Tears in her eyes.
Contemplating
Maybe
Ending it all
Another day at the library
She's sitting in the children's section of the library
Shelving books
Reading Dr. Seuss
Walking into the children's section
Tears in her eyes
Lonely
I just want a child of my own
I just want to be loved
Someone to read books to
Someone to love me
Grief and loneliness overcome her
He can't stand the pain of loneliness anymore
She leaves in tears
He notices Dr. Seuss on the floor.
Outside
Running to her car
Rain coming down
Tears flowing down her cheeks
She drops her keys
Her cell phone falls out of her purse
She falls to her knees sobbing
“Why, God, Why??????”
Picking Dr. Seuss up
He hears tires screeching to a stop
He hears a loud scream
He falls to his knees
Tears fill his eyes.
“Why, God, Why!!!!!”
Lying lifeless in the bed
Tubes hooked up every which way
No sign of life.
Noone coming to hold her hand.
Her thoughts tell her to give up.
Something else tells her to hang on.
Please hang on.
He gets on his bike.
Feels like giving up
Peels out and into the intersection
Doesn't bother looking.
Tires screech to a stop
He is airborn
Falls to the pavement with a hard thud.
He goes limp
Days pass.
She lies there lifeless.
No sign of life.
No desire to live.
Noone comes to visit.
Noone cares.
Why should she.
He wakes in a hospital bed
Lucky to be alive.
Not a broken bone.
Just cuts and bruises.
Wishing he were dead.
Noone would miss him.
He doesn't have any friends.
All alone.
So so lonely.
She wakes.
He awakes from a nap.
Flowers on her table
Flowers on his
A Bible and a note
A Bible and a note.
“I Love you!
I am YOUR friend
Don't give up.
Come back to church
I'll be in blue.
I love you”
-The ONE
He smiles
She smiles
Someone loves me
Someone loves me
“BUT Who?”
He walks into church
Noone notices him.
He takes his seat
Third row, 1st chair, left side
She enters church
All alone
She takes her seat
5th row, 1st seat, right side
He looks around
She looks around
Everyone is wearing red
Everyone is wearing green
WAIT!!!
Someone is wearing BLUE
He's wearing BLUE!
Service begins
Praise and worship ends
Tears are in his eyes
He's all alone
She's crying
She just wants to leave
Pastor gets up.
“Welcome everyone!
Take a moment,
Greet a stranger”
Noone cares
Why should I bother
I'm just a nobody.
Tears running down her cheeks
She walks up to him
Puts her hand on his shoulder
God softly whispers:
“I LOVE you”
He turns
Looks at her
She smiles
Afraid...So afraid
He smiles
Tears in his eyes
She smiles
“Hi”
***This is a VERY true depiction of REAL life events. This happens all the time. I am one of the LONELY! While I am an OVERCOMER of the loneliness, I still know just how lonely lonely feels. I am one of the many in the crowd. I still battle the loneliness.
Won't you please take one minute of your time and be:
THE ONE
Saturday, August 22, 2009
To Die For Her
To Die For Her -------------- -August 2009 -Tyson B. Troxel They say in life, you have exactly 2 great loves. or, at least that's what they say in "Sex and the city". Looking back onto my life, recently, I had to stop, and think about it. I don't know if that's a correct enough statement. 2, just seems like a small number. If, however, we're talking about "GREAT" loves, then, I guess it seems a little high. We had a guest pastor in church, this morning, who spoke about this. Basically, what I heard, was that, God, may be placing that GREAT love into our lives, BUT, if we don't go out and do the footwork, like asking a girl out, we'll never meet her. I guess my GREAT love will never be mine. I'm not a real macho kinda guy, when it comes to approaching women. I'm more secure in my own little box, doing my thing. If my GREAT love could bump into me, like fate, that would be AWESOME! Like, let's say, if I'm at my coffee shop, ordering my tea, and the cashier slips me her number, smiles, and rubs my hand. Or, if when I turn around, and my love, accidently bumps into me, and spills her coffee all over me, and then smiles, apologizes, and kisses me. Even better, I turn around, and a ray of heavenly light shines through the door, as my GREAT love walks in, the wind gently blowing her hair, and she walks right up to me, and hands me a rose, gently takes my hand, and says God sent her to me. And then, we walk out the door, and walk off into the sunset. No, none of that's gonna happen, BUT it would be pretty AWESOME!! Anyways...I thought about my 2 great loves, and had to break the ladies in my life, into 2 catagories. Pre-30, and post-30. The "Young Lust" and the "Post-Marriage". Then, i throw in the marriage. it kinda broke things up, and took me off the market for 7 years. So, thinking about it...here goes. "Young Lust' ------------ My 1st girlfriend. My 1st love. Sherri. We met at bible camp, and I pursued her past the summer. She was a farm girl. It lasted through christmas, but not past January. All in all, 6 months. Pretty good, for my 1st time out. Then there was Amanda "Hug-Alot'. We also met at Bible camp, and I pusued her, as I went off to my 1st year of college, in Mason City. Her dad HATED me!! We were together for about 3 months. I put ALOT of miles on my car, just to be with her. did I say, her dad HATED me! Lastly, came Lisa. We met in college (1st year) and through some VERY strange encounters/adventures, dated each other. i can say neither one of us were faithfull to each other, BUT setting her obsession over me aside, and my need for romance, we hooked it up, until the end of our 1st year of school. After that, we were on again/off again for the next 2 years. It was twisted, strange, and wrong in more ways than 1. Yes, there were other girls, BUT those 3 make the top of my "young lust" list. I guess at that stage of my life, I had 3 GREAT loves. Or, more accuratly, 3 GREAT lusts. The Marriage Years ------------------- Living in Las Vegas, at the age of 25, I met, and fell in love with a woman named Mary, who was 10 years my senior. My 1st taste, at love with an older woman. Call it lust, BUT after a month of dating, I asked her to marry me. We got married shortly there after. We lived for a short time, in Las Vegas, and then I moved her home, back to Iowa, where the trouble began. I guess a big city girl, just can't handle a small pond. So, after 7 long years of love, she threw me out, and split. That's all folks. Divorce central That was my 1st GREAT love. Post Marrriage Years -------------------- So, here I am, 2 1/2 years divorced, and I've had 2 BIG loves. I can't honestly say either was GREAT, or maybe I can.
So, then, came the “After-Marriage” loves, of my life. Not too hard to remember these 2 ladies. I can count them on 2 fingers. One. Two. Trucker girl, and Mickey Mouse.
Shortly after the seperation of my marriage, I met up with Missy. I took one look at her, and all of her tattoo’s, and low cut shirt, and I was in love! Then I found out she drove semi, and broke horses for fun. Hell, she even owned a few horses. SOLD!!
She took me up to a quiet little town, and tried to break me, and calm me. Like, all wild horses, a few can’t be broken. Not if they aren’t ready, anyways. So, she had to let me go. Not before I put up a fight though. I still think fondly of her, and her tattoo’s, and her big black semi.
Almost 9 months later, maybe less, I found Mickey Mouse. Ms. Julie. A sweet older lady, (o.k. not that much older than me) and I chased her all the way to the capital. We hooked it up, moved it on in together, and before the dust could settle, she tossed me back home.
Our love story didn’t end there though. About 6 months later, through the death of a man who is VERY dear to me, Julie and I came back together, only to separate less than 2 weeks later. To her credit, (and she gets it all) she had more love than I could know what to do with. I asked for the moon, and she gave me a maybe. I asked for swiss cheese, and she gave me a diet Mt. Dew.
All in all, what have I learned? Not much, really. Given the chance to love again, I’d do it in a New York second.. I am a passionate person, with a HUGE heart. Problem is, I don’t know how to properly treat love. It’s a drug to me, and I want more, more, more.
Not that being single right now, isn’t easy, or hard, it just isn’t. I watch movies like, “She’s Having A Baby”, and I cry. I want that kind of love. I want a baby. I want my happily ever after.
I read sappy romance books, and I want some sap, in my life.
I watch TV shows, like “Sex and The City”, and well…..
I know this much.
When God finally does bless me with the woman of HIS choosing, I will DIE for her! I will fight for her, I will love for her, I will live for her, and……
(This one is for my pastor, because I know he’s reading this)
I will treat her like my sister!
So, then, came the “After-Marriage” loves, of my life. Not too hard to remember these 2 ladies. I can count them on 2 fingers. One. Two. Trucker girl, and Mickey Mouse.
Shortly after the seperation of my marriage, I met up with Missy. I took one look at her, and all of her tattoo’s, and low cut shirt, and I was in love! Then I found out she drove semi, and broke horses for fun. Hell, she even owned a few horses. SOLD!!
She took me up to a quiet little town, and tried to break me, and calm me. Like, all wild horses, a few can’t be broken. Not if they aren’t ready, anyways. So, she had to let me go. Not before I put up a fight though. I still think fondly of her, and her tattoo’s, and her big black semi.
Almost 9 months later, maybe less, I found Mickey Mouse. Ms. Julie. A sweet older lady, (o.k. not that much older than me) and I chased her all the way to the capital. We hooked it up, moved it on in together, and before the dust could settle, she tossed me back home.
Our love story didn’t end there though. About 6 months later, through the death of a man who is VERY dear to me, Julie and I came back together, only to separate less than 2 weeks later. To her credit, (and she gets it all) she had more love than I could know what to do with. I asked for the moon, and she gave me a maybe. I asked for swiss cheese, and she gave me a diet Mt. Dew.
All in all, what have I learned? Not much, really. Given the chance to love again, I’d do it in a New York second.. I am a passionate person, with a HUGE heart. Problem is, I don’t know how to properly treat love. It’s a drug to me, and I want more, more, more.
Not that being single right now, isn’t easy, or hard, it just isn’t. I watch movies like, “She’s Having A Baby”, and I cry. I want that kind of love. I want a baby. I want my happily ever after.
I read sappy romance books, and I want some sap, in my life.
I watch TV shows, like “Sex and The City”, and well…..
I know this much.
When God finally does bless me with the woman of HIS choosing, I will DIE for her! I will fight for her, I will love for her, I will live for her, and……
(This one is for my pastor, because I know he’s reading this)
I will treat her like my sister!
Utah
Utah
----
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
The sun was just coming up over the mountains. It was July. Hot,
but cool this morning. This was a good month to be alive. He had
achieved a milestone. His first vacation, sober.
Taking a sip of hot coffee, and taking a drag from his cigarette,
Robert, picked up his camera. Not his expensive Nikon, his cheapie.
the one he got at a garage sale, for $2, 2 years ago. He took the
lens cap off, and stared off towards the 1st red. of the top of the
summit. If he was lucky, he'd be there by late morning. He snapped
a few pictures.
Takig one last sip of his now cold coffee, he dumped the rest onto
the ground, placed his mug in his backpack, and finished his 3rd
cigarette, since he woke up. It was hard to imagine it was only
5:30am. It was hard to sleep, when the sun came up, around 5am.
Such is life. Back home, he could sleep safely until 9am. This was
vacation, however. No time to sleep in. He could do that when he
got old. He was a young 45.
----
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
The sun was just coming up over the mountains. It was July. Hot,
but cool this morning. This was a good month to be alive. He had
achieved a milestone. His first vacation, sober.
Taking a sip of hot coffee, and taking a drag from his cigarette,
Robert, picked up his camera. Not his expensive Nikon, his cheapie.
the one he got at a garage sale, for $2, 2 years ago. He took the
lens cap off, and stared off towards the 1st red. of the top of the
summit. If he was lucky, he'd be there by late morning. He snapped
a few pictures.
Takig one last sip of his now cold coffee, he dumped the rest onto
the ground, placed his mug in his backpack, and finished his 3rd
cigarette, since he woke up. It was hard to imagine it was only
5:30am. It was hard to sleep, when the sun came up, around 5am.
Such is life. Back home, he could sleep safely until 9am. This was
vacation, however. No time to sleep in. He could do that when he
got old. He was a young 45.
High Stakes
High Stakes
------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
1
-
She warned him, if he walked out the door, they were through. His
friend assured him, this was a sure thing. An easy bet. A winning
hand. How many times had he played this game? How many times had he
won? The money in the off shore accounts alone, was more than 50
million. His private bank accounts were worth a million or more.
Even his stocks looked pretty healthy. Of course, his loving wife
didn't know about any of this. Not, until this afternoon anyway.
He worked in an office, across town, and worked late, most nights.
She was a cashier at the Wiggly Wiggly. It just happened, that she
was off at noon today. He wasn't due home until 6pm, at the
earliest. They'd been fighting lately, and he never answered her
questions regarding money. When they were 1st married, they had lots
of it. Now, after 15 years of marriage, they had alot less.
------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
1
-
She warned him, if he walked out the door, they were through. His
friend assured him, this was a sure thing. An easy bet. A winning
hand. How many times had he played this game? How many times had he
won? The money in the off shore accounts alone, was more than 50
million. His private bank accounts were worth a million or more.
Even his stocks looked pretty healthy. Of course, his loving wife
didn't know about any of this. Not, until this afternoon anyway.
He worked in an office, across town, and worked late, most nights.
She was a cashier at the Wiggly Wiggly. It just happened, that she
was off at noon today. He wasn't due home until 6pm, at the
earliest. They'd been fighting lately, and he never answered her
questions regarding money. When they were 1st married, they had lots
of it. Now, after 15 years of marriage, they had alot less.
Summer San Jose
Summer, San Jose
----------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
The weather is scorching hot, here.
Merenguie music fills the air.
Steel drums beat their hypnotic pulse.
Naked women run and dance on the beach.
Rum and coladas are plentifull.
Good cigars come cheap, here.
A dime chases my cares away.
Not my troubled thoughts.
Nor, ny sleepless nights.
How long has it been, my dear?
A year,
Maybe two.
Since we last held each other.
In my dreams,
Maybe yours.
Have we figured out who's dead yet?
Who's at the bottom of the ocean??
How's our son?
I've changed, in that time.
My hair is long,
I sport a full beard now.
I only wear white pants, and a white cuban hat.
Noone dares come near me.
I am the crazy man.
How are you?
What change have you made?
What of your lover?
Every morning, I go for a walk into the ocean.
I go looking for you.
I listen for your song.
Some days I hear you.
Most days I don't.
I still hold your picture close.
And pray you'll come back to me.
Pray, you'll come to me.
Here, in San Jose.
Mid-mornings, I sit in our cafe.
I sip my coffee,
And wile away the time.
Your coffee gets colder by the day.
I like the idea,
of us sitting in this cafe.
How long ago was that?
Or, did it ever happen?
Maybe just a dream.
I must be getting on now.
I like the idea,
but it gets colder by the day.
You already got on.
You already left.
Or, did I?
Tell me what I'm to do?
Should I be with you?
Tell me what I'm to do?
Summer here is the hottest,
and the coldest.
Without you,
I am dead.
Who did what?
Who said what?
Was it me?
Was it you?
I'm going crazy now.
Every day that passes,
I go more insane.
Every walk into the ocean,
I go deeper.
I never come out of the depths,
But for a time.
Your song draws me closer.
Deeper and deeper.
Under, and under.
I can't hold on much longer, here.
I just want to die.
I see us naked in bed.
Making love.
I see us on the beach,
passionatly kissing.
I dream of you, more and more.
Your song is deafining.
I'm going insane.
I've tried to escape,
But it's your love
That drags me back.
Holds me prisoner here.
Your insanity binds me tightly.
I can't run fast enough.
You lure me back.
I'm sinking.
More and more.
Most days I hate you.
Other days I want you.
I need you.
How insane is that?
You did this.
Or, did I?
Who came here 1st?
Who died,
And where?
The merenguie music is so hypnotic.
The steel drums beat faster and faster.
it's pure madness.
The heat is a killer.
The naked women drive me mad.
Summer,
San Jose,
I like the idea.
Of us, here.
Don't leave me.
Never stop singing.
Keep drawing me deeper.
I want to stay insane,
If only,
I can never leave here.
I like the idea.
Summer,
San Jose.
***This is a continuing saga. If you want to read the previous
entries, drop me a line. I hope to have the complete saga on my
writers website soon.
I hope you've enjoyed the insane ride so far. Who knows what'll
happen next, and when?
Until then,
-Tyson B. Troxel
----------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
The weather is scorching hot, here.
Merenguie music fills the air.
Steel drums beat their hypnotic pulse.
Naked women run and dance on the beach.
Rum and coladas are plentifull.
Good cigars come cheap, here.
A dime chases my cares away.
Not my troubled thoughts.
Nor, ny sleepless nights.
How long has it been, my dear?
A year,
Maybe two.
Since we last held each other.
In my dreams,
Maybe yours.
Have we figured out who's dead yet?
Who's at the bottom of the ocean??
How's our son?
I've changed, in that time.
My hair is long,
I sport a full beard now.
I only wear white pants, and a white cuban hat.
Noone dares come near me.
I am the crazy man.
How are you?
What change have you made?
What of your lover?
Every morning, I go for a walk into the ocean.
I go looking for you.
I listen for your song.
Some days I hear you.
Most days I don't.
I still hold your picture close.
And pray you'll come back to me.
Pray, you'll come to me.
Here, in San Jose.
Mid-mornings, I sit in our cafe.
I sip my coffee,
And wile away the time.
Your coffee gets colder by the day.
I like the idea,
of us sitting in this cafe.
How long ago was that?
Or, did it ever happen?
Maybe just a dream.
I must be getting on now.
I like the idea,
but it gets colder by the day.
You already got on.
You already left.
Or, did I?
Tell me what I'm to do?
Should I be with you?
Tell me what I'm to do?
Summer here is the hottest,
and the coldest.
Without you,
I am dead.
Who did what?
Who said what?
Was it me?
Was it you?
I'm going crazy now.
Every day that passes,
I go more insane.
Every walk into the ocean,
I go deeper.
I never come out of the depths,
But for a time.
Your song draws me closer.
Deeper and deeper.
Under, and under.
I can't hold on much longer, here.
I just want to die.
I see us naked in bed.
Making love.
I see us on the beach,
passionatly kissing.
I dream of you, more and more.
Your song is deafining.
I'm going insane.
I've tried to escape,
But it's your love
That drags me back.
Holds me prisoner here.
Your insanity binds me tightly.
I can't run fast enough.
You lure me back.
I'm sinking.
More and more.
Most days I hate you.
Other days I want you.
I need you.
How insane is that?
You did this.
Or, did I?
Who came here 1st?
Who died,
And where?
The merenguie music is so hypnotic.
The steel drums beat faster and faster.
it's pure madness.
The heat is a killer.
The naked women drive me mad.
Summer,
San Jose,
I like the idea.
Of us, here.
Don't leave me.
Never stop singing.
Keep drawing me deeper.
I want to stay insane,
If only,
I can never leave here.
I like the idea.
Summer,
San Jose.
***This is a continuing saga. If you want to read the previous
entries, drop me a line. I hope to have the complete saga on my
writers website soon.
I hope you've enjoyed the insane ride so far. Who knows what'll
happen next, and when?
Until then,
-Tyson B. Troxel
Letter to her
Letter To Her
-------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
Where were we,
When we first met?
Who loved who 1st?
Did you love me, as much,
As I loved you/
Did your heart,
Beat as fast as mine?
Does it even matter now?
You left me.
Didn't you?
And who proposed 1st?
Who wanted whom the most?
Who told the 1st lie?
Who lied about their age?
Whose sad song was sadder?
Who kissed whom?
Who's lyng eye told the biggest lie?
Who was the bigger fan?
i gotta have you.
I'm so in love.
Whatever!
And who said "I Do" 1st?
Who married whom?
Were we really in love?
Oh you were so in love.
Who said it 1st?
Who did it 1st?
Who made the 2am phone call for help?
Who told who, to "DIE!"
Was it love?
NEVER!
Who chased who?
Who went to the end of the earth for who?
Who's sledgehammer was in te closet?
Who maxed out the credit cards?
Who couldn't drive?
Who bought the convertible?
And, you cheated..
And you didn't love me,
And I slept with a knife under my pillow.
And a bottle of whiskey by my side.
I was your Romeo
You were my ugly step-sister.
But, your friends,
Were all Cinderella's.
We traveled the world.
I bought you all kinds of fancy things.
You gave me lots of money.
Beer became my lover.
You bought a gun.
The fights were typical.
Cold suppers were normal.
I hated you.
You had famous friends,
I had too many lovers.
I ducked the flying bottles.
You cried hysterically.
I never came home.
You found a new life.
All my friends became yours.
I did a stint in jail.
You erased me from your life.
I came home to a empty house.
And a broken whiskey bottle.
I want you to know 2 things.
Only two.
Maybe three.
I hate you!
I love you!
I'm clean and sober now!
I go to church now!
I have a good life now.
I have good friends now.
I have a life worth living now.
Do you??
I hope you think of me
And know I think of you.
If we could do it all again,
I'd laugh, and curse,
"Yah, Right!"
You aren't worth re-visiting.
I wish you well.
I really do.
I hope you have a good life.
I hope you're happy.
I know I finnally am!
Just forget about me!
If sometime we cross paths,
In the future,
I'll be nice,
I'll smile,
I'll wish you well,
I'll let you have your say,
I'll tell you how well I am,
And then,
I'll give you the finger,
And kick you out of town.
Outta my life
Forever!!
Serously,
I don't really hate you.
Not much, anyways!
I still love you.
Like I love whiskey.
I just don't
Have time for your nightmares anymore.
I wish you well,
I hope you meet your soul mate.
I hope you get all you deserve.
As for me....
I still hate you!
One last thing, darling,
You could've given me one last shot.
One last thrill.
We could've talked it out.
We could've worked it out.
i didn't mean to do you so wrong.
You were my angel.
My princess.
I worshipped you.
When I had time.
But, the beer got in the way.
I'm ok today.
I'm doing good today.
I have a good life today.
I am well loved.
I am sober and clean.
I give my all, to God.
I volunteer all my time.
And
I still think of you,
And,
Darling,
I still love you.
Be well,
My sweet,
My beautiful,
Angel,
Juliet,
Cinderella.
And,
Don't think of me.
Get on with your life.
I have!
I still love you.
-Romeo
-------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
Where were we,
When we first met?
Who loved who 1st?
Did you love me, as much,
As I loved you/
Did your heart,
Beat as fast as mine?
Does it even matter now?
You left me.
Didn't you?
And who proposed 1st?
Who wanted whom the most?
Who told the 1st lie?
Who lied about their age?
Whose sad song was sadder?
Who kissed whom?
Who's lyng eye told the biggest lie?
Who was the bigger fan?
i gotta have you.
I'm so in love.
Whatever!
And who said "I Do" 1st?
Who married whom?
Were we really in love?
Oh you were so in love.
Who said it 1st?
Who did it 1st?
Who made the 2am phone call for help?
Who told who, to "DIE!"
Was it love?
NEVER!
Who chased who?
Who went to the end of the earth for who?
Who's sledgehammer was in te closet?
Who maxed out the credit cards?
Who couldn't drive?
Who bought the convertible?
And, you cheated..
And you didn't love me,
And I slept with a knife under my pillow.
And a bottle of whiskey by my side.
I was your Romeo
You were my ugly step-sister.
But, your friends,
Were all Cinderella's.
We traveled the world.
I bought you all kinds of fancy things.
You gave me lots of money.
Beer became my lover.
You bought a gun.
The fights were typical.
Cold suppers were normal.
I hated you.
You had famous friends,
I had too many lovers.
I ducked the flying bottles.
You cried hysterically.
I never came home.
You found a new life.
All my friends became yours.
I did a stint in jail.
You erased me from your life.
I came home to a empty house.
And a broken whiskey bottle.
I want you to know 2 things.
Only two.
Maybe three.
I hate you!
I love you!
I'm clean and sober now!
I go to church now!
I have a good life now.
I have good friends now.
I have a life worth living now.
Do you??
I hope you think of me
And know I think of you.
If we could do it all again,
I'd laugh, and curse,
"Yah, Right!"
You aren't worth re-visiting.
I wish you well.
I really do.
I hope you have a good life.
I hope you're happy.
I know I finnally am!
Just forget about me!
If sometime we cross paths,
In the future,
I'll be nice,
I'll smile,
I'll wish you well,
I'll let you have your say,
I'll tell you how well I am,
And then,
I'll give you the finger,
And kick you out of town.
Outta my life
Forever!!
Serously,
I don't really hate you.
Not much, anyways!
I still love you.
Like I love whiskey.
I just don't
Have time for your nightmares anymore.
I wish you well,
I hope you meet your soul mate.
I hope you get all you deserve.
As for me....
I still hate you!
One last thing, darling,
You could've given me one last shot.
One last thrill.
We could've talked it out.
We could've worked it out.
i didn't mean to do you so wrong.
You were my angel.
My princess.
I worshipped you.
When I had time.
But, the beer got in the way.
I'm ok today.
I'm doing good today.
I have a good life today.
I am well loved.
I am sober and clean.
I give my all, to God.
I volunteer all my time.
And
I still think of you,
And,
Darling,
I still love you.
Be well,
My sweet,
My beautiful,
Angel,
Juliet,
Cinderella.
And,
Don't think of me.
Get on with your life.
I have!
I still love you.
-Romeo
Escape
Escape
------
-Tyson
_August 09'
There is a way out.
I believe it!
Yes!
There is a way out!
It's my choice!
I can choose the headaches
The sickness
Or I can smile
And love!
There is a way out!
I tried so hard
So very hard
I got through the sickness
It was the headaches!
They took my joy away
They took my zeal away
I tried so very hard
I just wamt to ne happy!
I just wamt to be me!
I tried so hard
Away from me
Where there is no happiness
Where there is only far away.
You don't even know who I am
I am hiding
I am sleeping
I am checking out of life
The bars are my prison
i am not me
I just want to be me
tell me when I can live again?
When can I smile again?
When can I be "me" again?
When, oh when
Where, oh where,
When does the pain end?
Where do I begin?
------
-Tyson
_August 09'
There is a way out.
I believe it!
Yes!
There is a way out!
It's my choice!
I can choose the headaches
The sickness
Or I can smile
And love!
There is a way out!
I tried so hard
So very hard
I got through the sickness
It was the headaches!
They took my joy away
They took my zeal away
I tried so very hard
I just wamt to ne happy!
I just wamt to be me!
I tried so hard
Away from me
Where there is no happiness
Where there is only far away.
You don't even know who I am
I am hiding
I am sleeping
I am checking out of life
The bars are my prison
i am not me
I just want to be me
tell me when I can live again?
When can I smile again?
When can I be "me" again?
When, oh when
Where, oh where,
When does the pain end?
Where do I begin?
What's up with that?
What's Up With that?
-----------------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
Today is a new day.
I wake up, and I thank God for a new start.
A new chance.
I wash my face, and i put on freah clothes.
Time to get this party started.
What's the game-plan today.
Where am I headed.
How long do I have?
I'm a good guy.
One of the boys.
Just call me Mr. T
Call my name,
And here I am.
I wasn't always this way.
I was one of the bad boys.
i drank to the max
I smoked one after another.
throw me a fattie, and I snatched it up.
Gotta pop some more pills
Darkness was my game.
Vampire was my middle name.
I was all about ice.
Cold-hearted.
If I smiled, I faked it.
If I was happy, it was a lie.
If I loved you, it was a game.
What's up with that?
All my friends sat next to me
Round after round
We messed with each other
Taught each other a lesson
Disrespecting the women
Never soft,
Always hard-core.
Hell,
I even did a stint in jail.
More one night stands than lovers
Gimme a beer,
Light my smoke.
I'm only here for a good time.
I've been all over the U.S.
Las Vegas, L.A., San Diago,
Salt lake City, New Mexico, Texas
Utah, Brianhead, Denver,
Cheyanne, Minneapolis, Omaha
Chicago, Chicago, Las Vegas
I've even been over the sea
Norway, oslo, Bergen
Home, gone, home again.
Yes...I've seen it all.
From here, out west, I've done it.
What's up with that?
Hell, I even got married.
i did a 7 ear stint.
It shoulda calmed me,
Made me a nice guy.
Instead,
The beer tasted sweet.
The whiskey was better.
All we did was yell.
All she did was cry.
I just couldn't handle it.
I needed my 2 best friends.
Bud and Jack.
I was just being real.
Damn it got cold.
Damn it's icy.
I see the vampire everywhere I turn
We don't even sleep together no more.
I am the vampire.
BAM!! CLICK!! LOCK!!!
I had to go to jail.
Lies, lies, lies,
I didn't do it.
I swear it.
She made me.
What's up with that?
I hate my life now.
Everybody hates me.
You all mock me.
I wake up drunk,
And pass out in the bar.
I go to bed with a bottle in hand.
Noone even checks on me.
The vampire is entering in.
You can all go to hell.
I'm already there.
Damn!!
It sure is dark.
Keeps getting darker.
I don't even have a heart anymore.
I'm calling for help
Pleading for help
Noone answers.
What's up with that?
I passed out in Belmond,
Woke up in Las Vegas.
Spent the night under a bridge in the desert.
Walked the streets
Looking for a good time.
Just wanting to get high
just wanting to get drunk.
Everyone's staring at me.
What's wrong with me.
Why won't this headache go away.
Why don't I care anymore.
Passed out in Las Vegas.
Woke up at home.
Tick tock, tick tock,
It's so damn dark.
I can't get outta bed.
Don't wanna go outside.
Life is not mine
I just want my bottle.
Where's my cigarettes?
Oh that's right.
I don't have any.
Dosn't matter.
I'm dead anyways.
Does anybody care?
Is anybody watching?
Maybe I'll kill myself.
Does anybody even care?
What's up with that that?
If I've offended you
I'm not sorry.
It's just the truth.
It's my game.
The way I rode.
The way I played.
It's the vampire's fault.
Never mine.
Take 17 years,
And you'd be the same way.
Don't lie.
You know you would.
I tell no lies.
Just the truth.
Passed out, dead.
DEAD!!
Woke up in a psych ward.
Took my freedom away
Forced me to give a damn again.
Made me live again.
All I wanted to do was die.
God decided otherwise.
My last breath cursed his name
His breath, woke me back up.
I didn't wanna dance anymore
God was writing a new jam for me
I wanted to die,
He wanted me to live.
What's up with that?
Ok.
Let's stop a minute.
Fast foreward.
Look at me today.
Look at who God made me to be.
I am a blessed man.
I give all the credit to him.
All the glory goes to him.
All I have,
Is because of him.
I coulda been dead,
But here I am.
Alive, and well.
I thank God,
And sing his praises.
how do I roll today?
I fly high.
I run with the winners.
I'm knocking down doors,
Telling my story,
Making friends,
Doing God's work
Helping ya'll out.
Caus'
I don't wanna see you get bit.
Get hurt
the way I did.
If I can save ya
God did it.
Yep,
If I can help ya
God did it.
Don't thank me.
Nope...
thank him instead.
I love ya!!
What's up with that?
I'm a busy dude today.
Library, Donating my plasma
Throwing papers, talking to the old people
Going back to college,
Writing, writing, writing,
Extreme Mt. Biking,
Caring about how I look, helping others,
spreading the saving news, meditatin', praying,
Surrenderin' my all to God, Lovin' him, giving him my ALL!
Welcomin' you to church, singin' the good music, listenin' to pastor,
Jammin' hard, livin' hard, playing hard,
I'm one hell of a busy guy
A good guy,
Chasin' my dreams,
Listenin' to God
Lettin' him run my life.
He speaks,
Amd I get it done!
What's up with that?
huh?
I ain't a bad guy.
I'm a good man today.
I just wanna love on ya
I just wanna play with ya
Why can't we be friends?
I just wanna walk with ya, talk with ya,
Show you the way,
And give ya the good news.
About how a real bad guy,
Became a real good man.
Nothin' wrong with that.
God's just
A real good God.
I'll end on this note.
you don't have to agree with me
You don't have to like everything I do, everything I write
you don't have to do all I do.
You don't have to hang with me,
Or be like me.
Just give it up to God,
Surrender your ass to him,
And be blessed,
like me.
Know that someone loves you
Wants to hug you,
Be with you,
God called me,
Blessed me,
And now...
He's calling
YOU!!!!
-----------------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
Today is a new day.
I wake up, and I thank God for a new start.
A new chance.
I wash my face, and i put on freah clothes.
Time to get this party started.
What's the game-plan today.
Where am I headed.
How long do I have?
I'm a good guy.
One of the boys.
Just call me Mr. T
Call my name,
And here I am.
I wasn't always this way.
I was one of the bad boys.
i drank to the max
I smoked one after another.
throw me a fattie, and I snatched it up.
Gotta pop some more pills
Darkness was my game.
Vampire was my middle name.
I was all about ice.
Cold-hearted.
If I smiled, I faked it.
If I was happy, it was a lie.
If I loved you, it was a game.
What's up with that?
All my friends sat next to me
Round after round
We messed with each other
Taught each other a lesson
Disrespecting the women
Never soft,
Always hard-core.
Hell,
I even did a stint in jail.
More one night stands than lovers
Gimme a beer,
Light my smoke.
I'm only here for a good time.
I've been all over the U.S.
Las Vegas, L.A., San Diago,
Salt lake City, New Mexico, Texas
Utah, Brianhead, Denver,
Cheyanne, Minneapolis, Omaha
Chicago, Chicago, Las Vegas
I've even been over the sea
Norway, oslo, Bergen
Home, gone, home again.
Yes...I've seen it all.
From here, out west, I've done it.
What's up with that?
Hell, I even got married.
i did a 7 ear stint.
It shoulda calmed me,
Made me a nice guy.
Instead,
The beer tasted sweet.
The whiskey was better.
All we did was yell.
All she did was cry.
I just couldn't handle it.
I needed my 2 best friends.
Bud and Jack.
I was just being real.
Damn it got cold.
Damn it's icy.
I see the vampire everywhere I turn
We don't even sleep together no more.
I am the vampire.
BAM!! CLICK!! LOCK!!!
I had to go to jail.
Lies, lies, lies,
I didn't do it.
I swear it.
She made me.
What's up with that?
I hate my life now.
Everybody hates me.
You all mock me.
I wake up drunk,
And pass out in the bar.
I go to bed with a bottle in hand.
Noone even checks on me.
The vampire is entering in.
You can all go to hell.
I'm already there.
Damn!!
It sure is dark.
Keeps getting darker.
I don't even have a heart anymore.
I'm calling for help
Pleading for help
Noone answers.
What's up with that?
I passed out in Belmond,
Woke up in Las Vegas.
Spent the night under a bridge in the desert.
Walked the streets
Looking for a good time.
Just wanting to get high
just wanting to get drunk.
Everyone's staring at me.
What's wrong with me.
Why won't this headache go away.
Why don't I care anymore.
Passed out in Las Vegas.
Woke up at home.
Tick tock, tick tock,
It's so damn dark.
I can't get outta bed.
Don't wanna go outside.
Life is not mine
I just want my bottle.
Where's my cigarettes?
Oh that's right.
I don't have any.
Dosn't matter.
I'm dead anyways.
Does anybody care?
Is anybody watching?
Maybe I'll kill myself.
Does anybody even care?
What's up with that that?
If I've offended you
I'm not sorry.
It's just the truth.
It's my game.
The way I rode.
The way I played.
It's the vampire's fault.
Never mine.
Take 17 years,
And you'd be the same way.
Don't lie.
You know you would.
I tell no lies.
Just the truth.
Passed out, dead.
DEAD!!
Woke up in a psych ward.
Took my freedom away
Forced me to give a damn again.
Made me live again.
All I wanted to do was die.
God decided otherwise.
My last breath cursed his name
His breath, woke me back up.
I didn't wanna dance anymore
God was writing a new jam for me
I wanted to die,
He wanted me to live.
What's up with that?
Ok.
Let's stop a minute.
Fast foreward.
Look at me today.
Look at who God made me to be.
I am a blessed man.
I give all the credit to him.
All the glory goes to him.
All I have,
Is because of him.
I coulda been dead,
But here I am.
Alive, and well.
I thank God,
And sing his praises.
how do I roll today?
I fly high.
I run with the winners.
I'm knocking down doors,
Telling my story,
Making friends,
Doing God's work
Helping ya'll out.
Caus'
I don't wanna see you get bit.
Get hurt
the way I did.
If I can save ya
God did it.
Yep,
If I can help ya
God did it.
Don't thank me.
Nope...
thank him instead.
I love ya!!
What's up with that?
I'm a busy dude today.
Library, Donating my plasma
Throwing papers, talking to the old people
Going back to college,
Writing, writing, writing,
Extreme Mt. Biking,
Caring about how I look, helping others,
spreading the saving news, meditatin', praying,
Surrenderin' my all to God, Lovin' him, giving him my ALL!
Welcomin' you to church, singin' the good music, listenin' to pastor,
Jammin' hard, livin' hard, playing hard,
I'm one hell of a busy guy
A good guy,
Chasin' my dreams,
Listenin' to God
Lettin' him run my life.
He speaks,
Amd I get it done!
What's up with that?
huh?
I ain't a bad guy.
I'm a good man today.
I just wanna love on ya
I just wanna play with ya
Why can't we be friends?
I just wanna walk with ya, talk with ya,
Show you the way,
And give ya the good news.
About how a real bad guy,
Became a real good man.
Nothin' wrong with that.
God's just
A real good God.
I'll end on this note.
you don't have to agree with me
You don't have to like everything I do, everything I write
you don't have to do all I do.
You don't have to hang with me,
Or be like me.
Just give it up to God,
Surrender your ass to him,
And be blessed,
like me.
Know that someone loves you
Wants to hug you,
Be with you,
God called me,
Blessed me,
And now...
He's calling
YOU!!!!
Slave to the pain
Slave to the Pain
------------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. troxel
Here I sit
Slave to the pain.
I can't surrener.
Not yet
the headache is too awful
The jitters too much
Agitated, cranky, to the max
Was I like this before?
I quit drinking.
That damn near killed me.
Threw me into the hospital twice.
Now,
I'm all better.
Looking at almost 9 months sober.
I was scary then.
I'm better today.
I live a good life.
A full life
Surrounded by friends.
Real friends.
Now, I'm quiting smoking.
It hurts so bad.
I just want to sleep
To sleep,
Means no craving.
I'm eating twizzlers,
Trying to make it go away.
Ashtrays are in the garbage
The last remaining butts stare at me
Begging me to smoke em'
Smoke up Johnny!
Go buy another pack
I'm a slave to it.
How many twizzlers will it take?
How many lollipops.
How many headaches?
How many twitches?
What'll I do when the triggers come?
Am I that bad?
Will my friends get me through?
Should I just surrender?
Is it really that easy?
Will God make it go away?
Will he make it all better?
I'm just a slave!
Mr.D says keep my hands busy
Play video games
Have another twizzler.
My friends clap and applaud my decision.
1/2 of them go light up.
I stand beside them,
munching on my damn red twizzler.
Am I really this bad?
Am I just making it this bad?
Just surrender.
I wanna tell you all to bug off.
i wanna sleep until it goes away.
Check outta life,
Until I feel better.
I'm a slave.
What if I get sick of red twizzlers and lollipops.
What then?
What can I substitute next?
how bout' some carrot sticks.
Then what?
Maybe I should just chop my hands off
Sleep my life away.
Grip onto that BIBLE
Use it as a life preserver.
Come on
I gotta rise up
I gotta be bigger than this.
I gotta rise up.
That's what "The Boss" says.
I think he's a slave
I know I can get through this.
If i just sleep, sleep sleep,
Play video games,
Eat, eat, eat
Figure out my twizzler triggers
Just don't smoke.
Keep my hands busy
Stay active
Drink a ton of coffee
A whole buncha lollipops
I don't wanna be a butt slave
A filthy smoker
I just wanna be ok.
Will you help me?
Will you make it all ok?
Will you make the pain go away?
No, I didn't think so.
This is my battle
My addiction
My demon!
I have to do it my way
My pace, my stake, my space
Alright, alright, alright!!
I'm mad now. Insane now!
I hear the drums beating.
------------------
-August 2009
-Tyson B. troxel
Here I sit
Slave to the pain.
I can't surrener.
Not yet
the headache is too awful
The jitters too much
Agitated, cranky, to the max
Was I like this before?
I quit drinking.
That damn near killed me.
Threw me into the hospital twice.
Now,
I'm all better.
Looking at almost 9 months sober.
I was scary then.
I'm better today.
I live a good life.
A full life
Surrounded by friends.
Real friends.
Now, I'm quiting smoking.
It hurts so bad.
I just want to sleep
To sleep,
Means no craving.
I'm eating twizzlers,
Trying to make it go away.
Ashtrays are in the garbage
The last remaining butts stare at me
Begging me to smoke em'
Smoke up Johnny!
Go buy another pack
I'm a slave to it.
How many twizzlers will it take?
How many lollipops.
How many headaches?
How many twitches?
What'll I do when the triggers come?
Am I that bad?
Will my friends get me through?
Should I just surrender?
Is it really that easy?
Will God make it go away?
Will he make it all better?
I'm just a slave!
Mr.D says keep my hands busy
Play video games
Have another twizzler.
My friends clap and applaud my decision.
1/2 of them go light up.
I stand beside them,
munching on my damn red twizzler.
Am I really this bad?
Am I just making it this bad?
Just surrender.
I wanna tell you all to bug off.
i wanna sleep until it goes away.
Check outta life,
Until I feel better.
I'm a slave.
What if I get sick of red twizzlers and lollipops.
What then?
What can I substitute next?
how bout' some carrot sticks.
Then what?
Maybe I should just chop my hands off
Sleep my life away.
Grip onto that BIBLE
Use it as a life preserver.
Come on
I gotta rise up
I gotta be bigger than this.
I gotta rise up.
That's what "The Boss" says.
I think he's a slave
I know I can get through this.
If i just sleep, sleep sleep,
Play video games,
Eat, eat, eat
Figure out my twizzler triggers
Just don't smoke.
Keep my hands busy
Stay active
Drink a ton of coffee
A whole buncha lollipops
I don't wanna be a butt slave
A filthy smoker
I just wanna be ok.
Will you help me?
Will you make it all ok?
Will you make the pain go away?
No, I didn't think so.
This is my battle
My addiction
My demon!
I have to do it my way
My pace, my stake, my space
Alright, alright, alright!!
I'm mad now. Insane now!
I hear the drums beating.
Suffocating
Suffocating
-----------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I am sitting here in the dark
Suffocating.
I can barely breathe now.
Each breath hurts worse than the last.
I'm paralized.
The vampire bit me.
His venom is sinking in.
I am loosing my grip.
Life is fading from me.
I can't see the light any longer.
The air is stale, all around me.
His kiss tasted so sweeet.
Now it's sting is paralyzing.
It's dark all around me.
Breathing is painfull.
I just want to die.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no voice calling me.
No sweet release.
Just his weight on me.
Whispering "he loves me".
I see nothing now.
The darkness has blinded everything.
I'll never wake up.
It is overdoseing me.
-----------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I am sitting here in the dark
Suffocating.
I can barely breathe now.
Each breath hurts worse than the last.
I'm paralized.
The vampire bit me.
His venom is sinking in.
I am loosing my grip.
Life is fading from me.
I can't see the light any longer.
The air is stale, all around me.
His kiss tasted so sweeet.
Now it's sting is paralyzing.
It's dark all around me.
Breathing is painfull.
I just want to die.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no voice calling me.
No sweet release.
Just his weight on me.
Whispering "he loves me".
I see nothing now.
The darkness has blinded everything.
I'll never wake up.
It is overdoseing me.
December
December
--------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I hear a baby crying
Somewhere in the distance
Far off in the woods.
Taking his 1st breaths.
He knows no temptation.
No troubles.
He dosn't know how deep the river is.
Where is his mama?
Does she not hear his cries?
Where is papa?
He is all alone.
And I cannot reach out to him.
I see a yong babe.
Naked and alone.
Surroubded by the wooded trees.
Laughing, as he plays alone.
Eating berries, oh so ripe.
Splashing in the water
Knowing nothing of time
I cannot cross over
Where is his true love?
Does he not hear the music?
Or see the fairies,
Singing him to sleep.
Little boy, running all alone.
I am calling out your name
Trying to warn you
Wanting to hold your hand
Needing to guide you home
Hear him laughing
Fairies dancing around him
Trees swaying his troubles away
He goes on rambling
Never hearing my call
Knowing no fear
The calm is his love.
--------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I hear a baby crying
Somewhere in the distance
Far off in the woods.
Taking his 1st breaths.
He knows no temptation.
No troubles.
He dosn't know how deep the river is.
Where is his mama?
Does she not hear his cries?
Where is papa?
He is all alone.
And I cannot reach out to him.
I see a yong babe.
Naked and alone.
Surroubded by the wooded trees.
Laughing, as he plays alone.
Eating berries, oh so ripe.
Splashing in the water
Knowing nothing of time
I cannot cross over
Where is his true love?
Does he not hear the music?
Or see the fairies,
Singing him to sleep.
Little boy, running all alone.
I am calling out your name
Trying to warn you
Wanting to hold your hand
Needing to guide you home
Hear him laughing
Fairies dancing around him
Trees swaying his troubles away
He goes on rambling
Never hearing my call
Knowing no fear
The calm is his love.
Looking At Her
Looking At Her
--------------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I am not who i appear to be.
I am not who you think i am
I hide my REAL self very well.
You see ME
I see who you want to see
When we meet
When we say hi
When we talk
I want you.
I can't have you, though.
I see you
All of your beauty
All of your smile, your golden hair
Perfect body
Not a flaw, in my eyes
When I see you,
I want more of you
Just the two of us.
I can't have you.
What's your story?
Who are you?
--------------
-Tyson B. Troxel
-August 2009
I am not who i appear to be.
I am not who you think i am
I hide my REAL self very well.
You see ME
I see who you want to see
When we meet
When we say hi
When we talk
I want you.
I can't have you, though.
I see you
All of your beauty
All of your smile, your golden hair
Perfect body
Not a flaw, in my eyes
When I see you,
I want more of you
Just the two of us.
I can't have you.
What's your story?
Who are you?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Her Shoes
----------
July 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
How long had it been?
How many times, had he said no?
He was always too busy.
She always smiled, and danced anyways.
He was just too busy,
and she just danced anyways.
She had no mother, he no wife.
No sisters, he, no son.
It had been a year and a day,
Since love warmed their home.
But, she danced anyways.
And he was just too busy.
As time passed, He stayed gone more and more
Always too busy
Never any time for her
He didn't know How to show her the love she deserved.
She smiled,
And danced,
And kept a clean house.
Always a warm meal.
And she, Danced.
Now there came a time,
When she was asked, To the royal ball.
And she needed her daddy's permission.
But, he was always too busy.
He never listened to her.
On, and on, Ever so patiently,
She waited every nite
And hugged him,
And asked her daddy,
If he would just say yes
His heart was hardened,
He didn't know how to love her.
What if he said yes?
What if he said no?
Should he show her love,
Even if he had none?
When mommy died, She cried,
And he just closed his heart.
She just smiled, And kept on dancing.
He just walked away
. The time came.
The royal ball.
Her shoes were well worn,
And she had no pretty dress to wear
. No daddy to hold her hand.
No one to take her dancing.
With tears in her eyes,
She put on her best dirty dress,
And her well worn shoes.
She went anyways.
To the royal ball.
And waited for someone to take her dancing.
The night passed on.
She stood alone,
watching the daddy's and daughters dance
And it came time For one last dance
The most special dance
Tears came down her face,
And she turned to run out.
Noone loved her.
Not one.
Not even Her daddy.
A hand stopped her,
And he gently hugged her.
She looked up,
And it was, Her daddy.
He looked so grand.
He handed her a new pair of shoes.
Her mother's dancing shoes.
He wiped away her tears,
And took her hand in his,
And led her to the dance floor.
And he tooke her dancing.
"Will you forgive a fool such as I?
I have been a bad daddy.
Not once, Was I there for you,
Never once, Did I take you dancing."
She looked in his eyes,
And hugged him tight
. She kissed his cheek.
And, Cinderella, Got her dance.
"My sweet Cinderella,
Never again, Will I leave you,
Or ignore you.
I will always take you dancing,
And love you forever."
And so,
that night,
Cinderella, And her daddy,
Went dancing
, And didn't stop.
***Inspired by "Cindrella", by Steven Curtis Chapman***
----------
July 2009
-Tyson B. Troxel
How long had it been?
How many times, had he said no?
He was always too busy.
She always smiled, and danced anyways.
He was just too busy,
and she just danced anyways.
She had no mother, he no wife.
No sisters, he, no son.
It had been a year and a day,
Since love warmed their home.
But, she danced anyways.
And he was just too busy.
As time passed, He stayed gone more and more
Always too busy
Never any time for her
He didn't know How to show her the love she deserved.
She smiled,
And danced,
And kept a clean house.
Always a warm meal.
And she, Danced.
Now there came a time,
When she was asked, To the royal ball.
And she needed her daddy's permission.
But, he was always too busy.
He never listened to her.
On, and on, Ever so patiently,
She waited every nite
And hugged him,
And asked her daddy,
If he would just say yes
His heart was hardened,
He didn't know how to love her.
What if he said yes?
What if he said no?
Should he show her love,
Even if he had none?
When mommy died, She cried,
And he just closed his heart.
She just smiled, And kept on dancing.
He just walked away
. The time came.
The royal ball.
Her shoes were well worn,
And she had no pretty dress to wear
. No daddy to hold her hand.
No one to take her dancing.
With tears in her eyes,
She put on her best dirty dress,
And her well worn shoes.
She went anyways.
To the royal ball.
And waited for someone to take her dancing.
The night passed on.
She stood alone,
watching the daddy's and daughters dance
And it came time For one last dance
The most special dance
Tears came down her face,
And she turned to run out.
Noone loved her.
Not one.
Not even Her daddy.
A hand stopped her,
And he gently hugged her.
She looked up,
And it was, Her daddy.
He looked so grand.
He handed her a new pair of shoes.
Her mother's dancing shoes.
He wiped away her tears,
And took her hand in his,
And led her to the dance floor.
And he tooke her dancing.
"Will you forgive a fool such as I?
I have been a bad daddy.
Not once, Was I there for you,
Never once, Did I take you dancing."
She looked in his eyes,
And hugged him tight
. She kissed his cheek.
And, Cinderella, Got her dance.
"My sweet Cinderella,
Never again, Will I leave you,
Or ignore you.
I will always take you dancing,
And love you forever."
And so,
that night,
Cinderella, And her daddy,
Went dancing
, And didn't stop.
***Inspired by "Cindrella", by Steven Curtis Chapman***
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Hidden Mystery
To everyone around him, he was a great guy. An awesome guy. Someone you instantly liked. He was active in everything. A normal day, started at 6am, and ended at 2am. There was always some activitiy, some place, he had to be. Even on his day off, he was a pretty busy guy.
Monday, July 27, 2009
2 years, and 2000 miles
Sitting high atop the mountain, overlooking the summit, he smiled. He took a sip of coffee, and pulled a drag from his cigarette. This was it. His heart's cry. He'd finally made it. To think, the journey almost cost him his life.
Just a few days ago, he was sitting home, packing. Now, a 30 hour bus ride, and 2 days later, here he was. On property that once was his. It now belonged to someone else. That was the price he'd paid. His life, or everything he loved.
(TBC)
Just a few days ago, he was sitting home, packing. Now, a 30 hour bus ride, and 2 days later, here he was. On property that once was his. It now belonged to someone else. That was the price he'd paid. His life, or everything he loved.
(TBC)
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sir Romeo & Lady Juliet - In America
Sir Romeo & Lady Juliet In America
-----------------------------------
Tyson B. Troxel
june/July 2009
Lovingly Dedicated to: CLL
The Dance
----------------
Life is like a danceYou never know who you're going to meet.Who is he?Do you know him?Does he know you?He may be a Romeo.He would willingly die for you.He might go to the ends of the earth for you.He might travel the world for you.He might re-locate for you.He's in love with you.He wants to be with you.Do you notice?He may be a writer.He might write you poems.And love letters.He might be an outdoorsman.He would follow you anywhere.He'd pick you a million roses.He might love kids.He'd be a good daddy.Or just an awesome role model.He might be a librarian.he'd read you a thousand stories.And tell you a thousand tales.He might have a heart.A great BIG heart.Just waiting to love you.He may be the perfect gentelman.He'd never ever hurt you.And he'd always love only you.He may be a really NICE guy.Always there for you,Always thinking of you.He might make a good lover.Well...He just might be.He may be the perfect friend.The best friend.Always there for you.He might be Mr. USAReally good looking.Always so perfectly dressed.He might be Mr. CommitmentAlways on timeAlways there for you.He might just want to be your best friend.A true blue friend.Loyal to the endHe might be your dream guy.Willing to do anything you ask.Whenever you ask.He may be your soulmate.Thousands of miles away.Looking for you.He may be the guy in the corner.You never notice him.But he wants to notice you.He may be your friend.Hoping, just hoping.You'll pick him.He might be right next to you.Holding your hand.Hoping he's the one.He might be a world away.Wanting to be closer.Hoping you'll just pick him.He might believe in fantasies.Of love, and possibility.Never saying never.No matter how great the distance.No matter who he is,You have to dance with someone.You have to pick someone.Life's a dance.You're always dancing,Hoping someday,You'll find the right one.Maybe,He's right here.Just waitingFor the next dance,
------------------------------------------------
The Begining
-------------------
After the dance was over,and everyone had gone home,There was one boy,And one girlSir Romeo Sweets,And Lady juliet.He walked up to her.She smiled.He asked for one last dance.She shook her head.She smiled a bigger smile.And gently took his hand.This, my sir,Is not one last dance.It is far from that.This, good, and kind Romeo,Is....The begining.Romeo held her closeShe smiled and hummed a song.They looked in each others eyesAnd smiled.They held handsAnd danced.Juliet,Sweet Lady Juliet,Will you dance with me?Will you always dance with me?Juliet,Will you pick me?Good sir, RomeoI say YESUnder one conditionn.You love meYou treat me right,And you always stay near me.Sweet Juliet,I will never hurt youI will never leave youI will always love you.Ony you.Noone elseRomeo and JulietA new begining,A new pairing,A new loveOne that will beThis is their begining
--------------------------------------------
Midnight Serenade
----------------------------
Underneath a full moon,Romeo looked into her eyes.As a shooting star passed,Juliet lovingly glanced into his.They held each other close,And neither wanted this dance to end.Romeo looked into his heart,And he ached for her.Juliet already knew what she wanted.Romeo begged for just 1 kiss.A kiss that he must earn.Juliet held him tighter.Romeo, my Romeo,Will you be mine?Will you rescue me?Will you be my knight in shining armour?Will we love forever?And of your plans for me?Juliet,Sweet JulietI will love you for forever,And a day.I will never leave your sideI will hand you everything your heart desiresRomeo, sweet Romeo,Are you for real?Will you hold me close forever/Will you love only me?Are you my soul mate?You are too good to be true.Juliet,My love,Ask,And it is yours.I give you my heart,This fair night.Romeo,My darling,I am a broken woman.Why do you pusue me?All I want is love.REAL, Unending love.Juliet,Fairest Juliet,I am damaged goods.I am no man for you.But,Till The day I die, I long for you.Romeo, darling,Will you give me my happy ending?Will you rescue me?Will you sweep me off my feet?Will you never leave me?Be mine, only mine.Juliet,My soul,Tonite,I belong to you.Ask,I will do.Romeo,Exceedingly fine sir,I will gladly give you my answer.I will tell you allJust be true to meGive me but 1 thingWith that,Romeo got on bended knee.He took her hand,He looked deep into her eyes.He placed his heart into her handAnd began to cry.Juliet,I want you so desperatly,I am here, on bended knee,Asking, begging, pleading,For just one thing.I want to be your everything.And Juliet looked into his tear filled eyes.She took his face in her hand,She wiped his tears away,She looked him deep in the eye,And did just one thing,Just 1.She walked away.As she did,She dropped her kerchief,And,Disapeared,Into the night.
---------------------------------------------
Romeo's Tears
----------------------
Without leaving,Juliet turned back to Romeo.With tears in her eyes,She whispered,I love you,BUT, I don't want you.Juliet, turned,And walked off and around the corner.With that she was gone.Romeo fell to his knees,And sobbed,And fell to his side.After what seemed like minutes,Romeo got up,And ran after her.But,Juliet was nowhere to be found.She had walked out of his life.Romeo searched everywhere.He asked everyone.He cried out her name.Juliet was nowhere to be found.And just like that,Romeo was alone again.The pain in his heart,Was too much to bear.He could do nothing.She made up her mind.So,Romeo cried, and walked away.
-------------------------------------------
The Note
----------
After what seemed forever,
And a day,
Romeo came upon it.
A note.
Sitting on a rock.
"If you love me,
If you want me,
If you choose me,
I must be allowed to leave you.
I have found another.
You too,
must find your other.
Please know,
I care for you,
But,
Another must love you."
With that,
Romeo cried.
His Juliet was gone.
She'd found another.
-------------
(To be continued.)
-----------------------------------
Tyson B. Troxel
june/July 2009
Lovingly Dedicated to: CLL
The Dance
----------------
Life is like a danceYou never know who you're going to meet.Who is he?Do you know him?Does he know you?He may be a Romeo.He would willingly die for you.He might go to the ends of the earth for you.He might travel the world for you.He might re-locate for you.He's in love with you.He wants to be with you.Do you notice?He may be a writer.He might write you poems.And love letters.He might be an outdoorsman.He would follow you anywhere.He'd pick you a million roses.He might love kids.He'd be a good daddy.Or just an awesome role model.He might be a librarian.he'd read you a thousand stories.And tell you a thousand tales.He might have a heart.A great BIG heart.Just waiting to love you.He may be the perfect gentelman.He'd never ever hurt you.And he'd always love only you.He may be a really NICE guy.Always there for you,Always thinking of you.He might make a good lover.Well...He just might be.He may be the perfect friend.The best friend.Always there for you.He might be Mr. USAReally good looking.Always so perfectly dressed.He might be Mr. CommitmentAlways on timeAlways there for you.He might just want to be your best friend.A true blue friend.Loyal to the endHe might be your dream guy.Willing to do anything you ask.Whenever you ask.He may be your soulmate.Thousands of miles away.Looking for you.He may be the guy in the corner.You never notice him.But he wants to notice you.He may be your friend.Hoping, just hoping.You'll pick him.He might be right next to you.Holding your hand.Hoping he's the one.He might be a world away.Wanting to be closer.Hoping you'll just pick him.He might believe in fantasies.Of love, and possibility.Never saying never.No matter how great the distance.No matter who he is,You have to dance with someone.You have to pick someone.Life's a dance.You're always dancing,Hoping someday,You'll find the right one.Maybe,He's right here.Just waitingFor the next dance,
------------------------------------------------
The Begining
-------------------
After the dance was over,and everyone had gone home,There was one boy,And one girlSir Romeo Sweets,And Lady juliet.He walked up to her.She smiled.He asked for one last dance.She shook her head.She smiled a bigger smile.And gently took his hand.This, my sir,Is not one last dance.It is far from that.This, good, and kind Romeo,Is....The begining.Romeo held her closeShe smiled and hummed a song.They looked in each others eyesAnd smiled.They held handsAnd danced.Juliet,Sweet Lady Juliet,Will you dance with me?Will you always dance with me?Juliet,Will you pick me?Good sir, RomeoI say YESUnder one conditionn.You love meYou treat me right,And you always stay near me.Sweet Juliet,I will never hurt youI will never leave youI will always love you.Ony you.Noone elseRomeo and JulietA new begining,A new pairing,A new loveOne that will beThis is their begining
--------------------------------------------
Midnight Serenade
----------------------------
Underneath a full moon,Romeo looked into her eyes.As a shooting star passed,Juliet lovingly glanced into his.They held each other close,And neither wanted this dance to end.Romeo looked into his heart,And he ached for her.Juliet already knew what she wanted.Romeo begged for just 1 kiss.A kiss that he must earn.Juliet held him tighter.Romeo, my Romeo,Will you be mine?Will you rescue me?Will you be my knight in shining armour?Will we love forever?And of your plans for me?Juliet,Sweet JulietI will love you for forever,And a day.I will never leave your sideI will hand you everything your heart desiresRomeo, sweet Romeo,Are you for real?Will you hold me close forever/Will you love only me?Are you my soul mate?You are too good to be true.Juliet,My love,Ask,And it is yours.I give you my heart,This fair night.Romeo,My darling,I am a broken woman.Why do you pusue me?All I want is love.REAL, Unending love.Juliet,Fairest Juliet,I am damaged goods.I am no man for you.But,Till The day I die, I long for you.Romeo, darling,Will you give me my happy ending?Will you rescue me?Will you sweep me off my feet?Will you never leave me?Be mine, only mine.Juliet,My soul,Tonite,I belong to you.Ask,I will do.Romeo,Exceedingly fine sir,I will gladly give you my answer.I will tell you allJust be true to meGive me but 1 thingWith that,Romeo got on bended knee.He took her hand,He looked deep into her eyes.He placed his heart into her handAnd began to cry.Juliet,I want you so desperatly,I am here, on bended knee,Asking, begging, pleading,For just one thing.I want to be your everything.And Juliet looked into his tear filled eyes.She took his face in her hand,She wiped his tears away,She looked him deep in the eye,And did just one thing,Just 1.She walked away.As she did,She dropped her kerchief,And,Disapeared,Into the night.
---------------------------------------------
Romeo's Tears
----------------------
Without leaving,Juliet turned back to Romeo.With tears in her eyes,She whispered,I love you,BUT, I don't want you.Juliet, turned,And walked off and around the corner.With that she was gone.Romeo fell to his knees,And sobbed,And fell to his side.After what seemed like minutes,Romeo got up,And ran after her.But,Juliet was nowhere to be found.She had walked out of his life.Romeo searched everywhere.He asked everyone.He cried out her name.Juliet was nowhere to be found.And just like that,Romeo was alone again.The pain in his heart,Was too much to bear.He could do nothing.She made up her mind.So,Romeo cried, and walked away.
-------------------------------------------
The Note
----------
After what seemed forever,
And a day,
Romeo came upon it.
A note.
Sitting on a rock.
"If you love me,
If you want me,
If you choose me,
I must be allowed to leave you.
I have found another.
You too,
must find your other.
Please know,
I care for you,
But,
Another must love you."
With that,
Romeo cried.
His Juliet was gone.
She'd found another.
-------------
(To be continued.)
Check This Man of God Out!
I am VERY pleased to call this blessed man of God, a close christian brother. He is a talented musician. Please go check out his site!
finetracksworship.com
finetracksworship.com
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Hello, Everybody! This is my official home of ALL my writings. I am a 35 year old, non-published author, working my way to becoming the next Stephen King. If this works, I will be posting all of my writing, from the newest piece, to the oldest piece, here, so check back ofton.
I will also give you from time to time, a little bit of insight, and previews of stuff that's currently being worked on, on my desktop.
Have fun, and let me know what you think!
-Tyson
I will also give you from time to time, a little bit of insight, and previews of stuff that's currently being worked on, on my desktop.
Have fun, and let me know what you think!
-Tyson
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